As I return to work, I am forced to make the most of my time and energy. To do that, I need to change some things in my life-namely my 1/3 pkg per day cookie habit. In an effort to live a healthier lifestyle, I have decided to start a food/exercise journal. I am writing this post to make myself accountable for this committment to my health.
Here is my committment:
I shall be responsible for the choices I make. (no excuses)
I shall be accountible for the choices I make. (no lying or omissions)
I shall celebrate my successes with non-food-related rewards. (no eating a whole pkg of peanut butter cups cuz I worked out for an hour)
Each day, I will chronicle the food I eat and what physical activity I perform. At the end of the week, I will decide on what reward I am entitled to. If I was really bad, I may reinforce this with increased activity the next week. I am not really very good at enforcing dietary restrictions such as 'only eat 15 gr of sugar' or '20 gr of carbs' or, worse, 'NO carbs or sugar'. Yikes! If you want to see me cranky, restrictions like that are the fast track to that end. Not to mention, those restrictions will force me to quit this resolution post-haste. At this point, I am only trying to eat less candy/junk. As I improve, I may restrict certain things, but for now, I am interested in eating balanced meals, better snacks and adding physical activity to my daily routine. I am not interested in weight loss or muscle tone necessarily although it will probably be a natural consequence. I hope this will help increase my energy, manage stress and sleep better. My motivation is not completely selfish either as this will be good for the baby and set a good example for my two year old as well. I may not be successful every day, but I will take it one day, one meal, at a time and will be honest with my readers and myself. If any of you would like to join me on this journey, I welcome the company.
Here's to health!
Monday, April 23, 2012
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Chapter 3-bet you thought I forgot about this, didn't you??
Ramey's meeting with her client went about as well as expected. She delivered the photos, and the client delivered her righteous indignation and tears. Dealing with people directly was definitely the hardest part of her job. That even took into account those times she had to chase her marks or, worse, when she was in actual danger while investigating. After the meeting, she had a few loose ends to tie up with another case she was working and finished up the paperwork on this most recent one. Ramey was very glad she would not be visiting that motel for a while. It was so seedy, her skin would crawl without even entering the room. She shuddered thinking about it and rubbed the invisible bugs off her arms.
On the way home, she stopped off at the bank to deposit the cashier's check she collected at her morning meeting. While she was steadily decreasing the balance of that check against a stack of bills, the phone rang.
"Ramey, it's James." Good grief. "I feel really bad about this morning. I didn't mean to creep you out. I hope you know I had the best intentions."
This was the first inkling of insecurity she'd seen from him. "It's ok, really. It's kind of flattering, if you can disregard the creep factor. Just don't do that again. If you want to see me, just ask."
"Ok. Can I see you again? Soon?"
"That would be ok, I think." She smiled. "I'd like to see you again too. I wouldn't want you to think of me as you saw me this morning, anyway-all sweaty."
"Hmm," he purred. "I have a meeting tonight with a firm, but how about tomorrow night, say, 7ish?"
"That's fine with me. I just wrapped up the case I was working on. It would be a nice way to celebrate."
"See you then. Goodbye, Ramey," and he disconnected. His voice was just as sexy over the phone. There was that warm and tingly feeling again. She could really get used to this. The anticipation was lovely and nerve-wracking all at the same time.
She shook off the flush that colored her face and fnished the task at hand. She was throwing away the invoices and putting away the checkbook when the phone rang again.
"Ramey, it's Ray Samson." Ray was a good friend of hers who also happened to be on the police force, senior detective, specifically.
"Ray! It's good to hear from you. Is this a social call or a professional one?"
"Well, a little bit of both. I wish I had more time for pleasantries, but I actually need your help."
"Whatever I can help you with, I'm happy to do it, Ray."
"Great. I knew I could count on you. I have a certain business man I need you to keep an eye on for me. You don't have to do anything but observe and report. I'm sending you a pic of the business man now."
"Aw, Ray. You always take the fun out of things." She laughed. "Of course I can do that for you."
"Good. He will be at the Duck and Clam Club tomorrow for happy hour. I need a visual on who he is meeting there to match a face with an alias. I think the mark is involved in a case I'm working."
"Sure thing, Ray. I'll send you what I get."
"Great. Thanks again, Rame. Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Ray." She hung up the phone and stared at it like it was a foreign object. Ray was a very attractive man, and he had been more than a friend at one time. Neither he nor Ramey could make time for the other, so they eventually stopped expecting each other to be available and stopped asking. She remembered the way he breathed her name and the smell of his soap and closed her eyes just for a moment. When she opened them, she was back in her own house, with only the smell of last night's tv dinner and Rotti, who was staring at her with his head cocked to one side.
"Forget it, Rotti. I've lost my mind completely, I think. Either that, or I'm getting desperate. It's time for a nap. Last night is catching up to me." She walked out of the room, shedding clothes as she went. She was asleep as soon as she hit the pillow.
When she woke, the afternoon was well on its way to evening. The nap refreshed her, and she decided it was time to take a walk. She grabbed the leash and she and Rotti set out to see what interesting things they could see and smell. As she walked, she thought about tomorrow's assignment for Ray. She wondered who the business man was and who the mark was. She'd forgotten to check her email for the picture Ray sent. She put that on her mental to-do list for later. The rest of the walk was occupied with thoughts of Ray and their previous relationship. Those thoughts were best confined to very strict daytime parameters. On the way home, she picked up dinner. She just couldn't stomach tv dinners two nights in a row.
When she finally opened her email, the picture in her inbox almost caused Ramey to choke on her meal. Those dreamy green eyes she had been lost in were staring at her from the computer screen. "What the...." she breathed. "Just who are you hanging out with, James?" She reminded herself he was merely meeting a client. That's what businessmen do. Since when did she justify others' behavior. What was happening to her, Ramey mused. Well, at least she would have no trouble identifying the businessman in the bar. When in doubt, humor has always come to her rescue. This would definitely make her social life more complicated. She ended the evening torn between remembering the warm fuzzy feelings and trying to figure out why she even bothered trying to have a love life at all.
On the way home, she stopped off at the bank to deposit the cashier's check she collected at her morning meeting. While she was steadily decreasing the balance of that check against a stack of bills, the phone rang.
"Ramey, it's James." Good grief. "I feel really bad about this morning. I didn't mean to creep you out. I hope you know I had the best intentions."
This was the first inkling of insecurity she'd seen from him. "It's ok, really. It's kind of flattering, if you can disregard the creep factor. Just don't do that again. If you want to see me, just ask."
"Ok. Can I see you again? Soon?"
"That would be ok, I think." She smiled. "I'd like to see you again too. I wouldn't want you to think of me as you saw me this morning, anyway-all sweaty."
"Hmm," he purred. "I have a meeting tonight with a firm, but how about tomorrow night, say, 7ish?"
"That's fine with me. I just wrapped up the case I was working on. It would be a nice way to celebrate."
"See you then. Goodbye, Ramey," and he disconnected. His voice was just as sexy over the phone. There was that warm and tingly feeling again. She could really get used to this. The anticipation was lovely and nerve-wracking all at the same time.
She shook off the flush that colored her face and fnished the task at hand. She was throwing away the invoices and putting away the checkbook when the phone rang again.
"Ramey, it's Ray Samson." Ray was a good friend of hers who also happened to be on the police force, senior detective, specifically.
"Ray! It's good to hear from you. Is this a social call or a professional one?"
"Well, a little bit of both. I wish I had more time for pleasantries, but I actually need your help."
"Whatever I can help you with, I'm happy to do it, Ray."
"Great. I knew I could count on you. I have a certain business man I need you to keep an eye on for me. You don't have to do anything but observe and report. I'm sending you a pic of the business man now."
"Aw, Ray. You always take the fun out of things." She laughed. "Of course I can do that for you."
"Good. He will be at the Duck and Clam Club tomorrow for happy hour. I need a visual on who he is meeting there to match a face with an alias. I think the mark is involved in a case I'm working."
"Sure thing, Ray. I'll send you what I get."
"Great. Thanks again, Rame. Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Ray." She hung up the phone and stared at it like it was a foreign object. Ray was a very attractive man, and he had been more than a friend at one time. Neither he nor Ramey could make time for the other, so they eventually stopped expecting each other to be available and stopped asking. She remembered the way he breathed her name and the smell of his soap and closed her eyes just for a moment. When she opened them, she was back in her own house, with only the smell of last night's tv dinner and Rotti, who was staring at her with his head cocked to one side.
"Forget it, Rotti. I've lost my mind completely, I think. Either that, or I'm getting desperate. It's time for a nap. Last night is catching up to me." She walked out of the room, shedding clothes as she went. She was asleep as soon as she hit the pillow.
When she woke, the afternoon was well on its way to evening. The nap refreshed her, and she decided it was time to take a walk. She grabbed the leash and she and Rotti set out to see what interesting things they could see and smell. As she walked, she thought about tomorrow's assignment for Ray. She wondered who the business man was and who the mark was. She'd forgotten to check her email for the picture Ray sent. She put that on her mental to-do list for later. The rest of the walk was occupied with thoughts of Ray and their previous relationship. Those thoughts were best confined to very strict daytime parameters. On the way home, she picked up dinner. She just couldn't stomach tv dinners two nights in a row.
When she finally opened her email, the picture in her inbox almost caused Ramey to choke on her meal. Those dreamy green eyes she had been lost in were staring at her from the computer screen. "What the...." she breathed. "Just who are you hanging out with, James?" She reminded herself he was merely meeting a client. That's what businessmen do. Since when did she justify others' behavior. What was happening to her, Ramey mused. Well, at least she would have no trouble identifying the businessman in the bar. When in doubt, humor has always come to her rescue. This would definitely make her social life more complicated. She ended the evening torn between remembering the warm fuzzy feelings and trying to figure out why she even bothered trying to have a love life at all.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Reflections on parenting-take 2
Before I gave birth to Lincoln, I was apprehensive about parenting two children at once. I am an only child and have no idea what to do with more than 1 kid at a time. The only training I have in my 'toolbox' is my classroom management training. However, that was geared toward middle school and high school students, not infant - pre-K. Amazingly enough, it has been easier than I thought. I have learned to work the baby's schedule around my existing schedule for Colton. So far, it's worked out pretty good. I have learned a few things along the way in the first two weeks. Here are some things I'd like to mention, as well as the new knowledge I've accumulated.
1. First and foremost, I'd like to thank everyone for their generosity when it came to helping us acquire clothing for our surprise arrival of a boy instead of a girl. All of our friends and family have given us so much and have been so supportive-it's incredible! THANK YOU!
2. In the same vein, there is no possible way to describe the feeling you have when you've just given birth to what you thought was a beautiful baby girl, only to be told he's a bouncing baby boy. It's a mixture of joy and excitement for a healthy baby and just to be done with pregnancy and on to the next step where you actually get to see that baby, combined with a feeling of confusion, dread and apprehension for the things you now need to purchase and frustration for all the time you spent on prepping for a girl, only to have to re-do it all when you get home. That is in addition to the responsibility of how to explain the difference to my two-year old. The months we spent creating a bond with the new baby had to be re-vamped to fit a boy instead of a girl. He was confused for a while-I even catch myself calling the baby Heidi or referring to him as "her" without thinking. Yikes.
3. With Colton, I was so concerned with the big picture and sleep training and doing everything correctly. With Lincoln, I find myself focusing on him, without spending so much time obsessing about details and other things that don't need to come until later. Part of that is probably due to the fact that I don't have time or energy to focus past the end of the week, but I recognize the difference in my attitude toward the 'baby-ness' of Lincoln vs. Colton. I am able to enjoy Lincoln's first days a lot more than I did with Colton. Less pain and discomfort certainly helps too.
4. The best invention ever is Clorox 2. I was able to make it thru the first week with very few outfits that fit because the stains actually came out! :) I did not have this knowledge when Colton was small. Those yellow stains are stubborn!
5. Before I gave birth, I had no idea how I was going to do it all. I thought I was already at the end of my rope. Since then, I have found reserves of patience I didn't know I had. I'm actually proud of myself and what I've been able to accomplish since Lincoln was born. I'm better at this parenting/wifing thing than I thought. :)
6. I also had no idea how I would be able to love 2 children. I was worried I would feel I was neglecting 1 to care for the other. In fact, I feel the opposite. When I care for 1, I feel like I'm doing well at caring for both. Each of my kids has a special place in my heart and I try very hard to make it clear to each of them-especially Colton.
7. Colton has surprised me at how much he has bonded with his baby brother. I was afraid that when the baby turned out to be a boy, and we'd cultivated a relationship with a girl during the pregnancy, he would be confused and not be able to bond with Lincoln. However, that has most definitely not been the case. He asks to hold him, treats him gently and is super helpful-handing toys, blankets, pacifiers, etc. Colton tells others (perfect strangers sometimes), "That's my baby brother!" It's so cute! Every time he's so sweet to his brother, my heart swells and I love him even more.
8. This is going to cause some backlash, especially because I was so against it when I had Colton, but I have discovered co-sleeping is not the devil. When Colton was small, he slept 5 hours at a time-even in the hospital. There was no getting up to feed him at night because he didn't ask. Five hours was enough sleep for me. Lincoln sleeps only 2 or 3 hours at a time. Therefore, if I can roll over and doze while I nurse him at night, then, I'm all for it. I, my husband, and Colton are grateful (even if they don't know it) that I can get enough sleep at night, and my infant gets to eat when he wants. In my defense, I don't do it every night and I DO worry about it--it will only last until he sleeps 4 or 5 hours in a stretch, but maternal sleep is a limited commodity and a necessary one.
9. Each child is so different. Colton has always been an independent child. He never liked swaddling or cuddling. Lincoln needs contact with me. He has trouble putting himself to sleep too. He requires a lot more from me than Colton ever did. Colton had no trouble adjusting to Daddy helping and holding him, even as an infant. Lincoln won't have anybody but me. I wonder if that'll change anytime soon, or if he'll always need me specifically.
10. There are things about having two kids I don't think I'll ever figure out. First, is how to handle grocery shopping with both-Colton cannot sit in the basket with the carseat in the seat because he will squish and/or open all my groceries because he's so curious. I will probably have to take the baby in the front carrier and put Colton in the seat. Second is how to find time for myself. I already had trouble with that before I had Lincoln, but when I go back to work, it's going to be downright impossible. Babysitters cost an arm and a leg and I'm not comfortable leaving an infant with just anyone. Forget about date night. That has happened very few times since we had Colton, even. I'm sure there's more things I will have to figure out, but that's all I can think of right now. This may become its own list in the future. :)
I have roughly half an hour to eat lunch before Gremlin wakes up, so I should cut this short. I apologize this list is not as funny as most of my 'reflections'. Humor has been hard to come by on so little sleep. I hope the next list will be better. :) Happy Monday!
1. First and foremost, I'd like to thank everyone for their generosity when it came to helping us acquire clothing for our surprise arrival of a boy instead of a girl. All of our friends and family have given us so much and have been so supportive-it's incredible! THANK YOU!
2. In the same vein, there is no possible way to describe the feeling you have when you've just given birth to what you thought was a beautiful baby girl, only to be told he's a bouncing baby boy. It's a mixture of joy and excitement for a healthy baby and just to be done with pregnancy and on to the next step where you actually get to see that baby, combined with a feeling of confusion, dread and apprehension for the things you now need to purchase and frustration for all the time you spent on prepping for a girl, only to have to re-do it all when you get home. That is in addition to the responsibility of how to explain the difference to my two-year old. The months we spent creating a bond with the new baby had to be re-vamped to fit a boy instead of a girl. He was confused for a while-I even catch myself calling the baby Heidi or referring to him as "her" without thinking. Yikes.
3. With Colton, I was so concerned with the big picture and sleep training and doing everything correctly. With Lincoln, I find myself focusing on him, without spending so much time obsessing about details and other things that don't need to come until later. Part of that is probably due to the fact that I don't have time or energy to focus past the end of the week, but I recognize the difference in my attitude toward the 'baby-ness' of Lincoln vs. Colton. I am able to enjoy Lincoln's first days a lot more than I did with Colton. Less pain and discomfort certainly helps too.
4. The best invention ever is Clorox 2. I was able to make it thru the first week with very few outfits that fit because the stains actually came out! :) I did not have this knowledge when Colton was small. Those yellow stains are stubborn!
5. Before I gave birth, I had no idea how I was going to do it all. I thought I was already at the end of my rope. Since then, I have found reserves of patience I didn't know I had. I'm actually proud of myself and what I've been able to accomplish since Lincoln was born. I'm better at this parenting/wifing thing than I thought. :)
6. I also had no idea how I would be able to love 2 children. I was worried I would feel I was neglecting 1 to care for the other. In fact, I feel the opposite. When I care for 1, I feel like I'm doing well at caring for both. Each of my kids has a special place in my heart and I try very hard to make it clear to each of them-especially Colton.
7. Colton has surprised me at how much he has bonded with his baby brother. I was afraid that when the baby turned out to be a boy, and we'd cultivated a relationship with a girl during the pregnancy, he would be confused and not be able to bond with Lincoln. However, that has most definitely not been the case. He asks to hold him, treats him gently and is super helpful-handing toys, blankets, pacifiers, etc. Colton tells others (perfect strangers sometimes), "That's my baby brother!" It's so cute! Every time he's so sweet to his brother, my heart swells and I love him even more.
8. This is going to cause some backlash, especially because I was so against it when I had Colton, but I have discovered co-sleeping is not the devil. When Colton was small, he slept 5 hours at a time-even in the hospital. There was no getting up to feed him at night because he didn't ask. Five hours was enough sleep for me. Lincoln sleeps only 2 or 3 hours at a time. Therefore, if I can roll over and doze while I nurse him at night, then, I'm all for it. I, my husband, and Colton are grateful (even if they don't know it) that I can get enough sleep at night, and my infant gets to eat when he wants. In my defense, I don't do it every night and I DO worry about it--it will only last until he sleeps 4 or 5 hours in a stretch, but maternal sleep is a limited commodity and a necessary one.
9. Each child is so different. Colton has always been an independent child. He never liked swaddling or cuddling. Lincoln needs contact with me. He has trouble putting himself to sleep too. He requires a lot more from me than Colton ever did. Colton had no trouble adjusting to Daddy helping and holding him, even as an infant. Lincoln won't have anybody but me. I wonder if that'll change anytime soon, or if he'll always need me specifically.
10. There are things about having two kids I don't think I'll ever figure out. First, is how to handle grocery shopping with both-Colton cannot sit in the basket with the carseat in the seat because he will squish and/or open all my groceries because he's so curious. I will probably have to take the baby in the front carrier and put Colton in the seat. Second is how to find time for myself. I already had trouble with that before I had Lincoln, but when I go back to work, it's going to be downright impossible. Babysitters cost an arm and a leg and I'm not comfortable leaving an infant with just anyone. Forget about date night. That has happened very few times since we had Colton, even. I'm sure there's more things I will have to figure out, but that's all I can think of right now. This may become its own list in the future. :)
I have roughly half an hour to eat lunch before Gremlin wakes up, so I should cut this short. I apologize this list is not as funny as most of my 'reflections'. Humor has been hard to come by on so little sleep. I hope the next list will be better. :) Happy Monday!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Lincoln's birth story-possible TMI alert, but I tried to keep it clean. Childbirth and raising is not for the faint of heart or weak of stomach!
We have finally reached the end of my pregnancy and embarked on the next leg of our journey of parenthood. We were beginning to think this day would never arrive! On February 10th, after 41 weeks and 5 days, we welcomed the newest addition to our family, Lincoln Hawke Strosser. Up until the moment he arrived, we thought he was Heidi Claire Strosser.
We made the decision to induce labor, since I was almost 42 weeks and had on and off contractions for 3 weeks and was only about 2 cm dilated, soft and had all the signs of labor, including excruciating back pain. The contractions would be strong and regular for a few hours and then just stop. It was so frustrating. I was so tired and not feeling well at all, but I chalked it up to just being antsy about being overdue and having "almost labor" for almost a month. I checked into the same hospital where I delivered Colton on Thursday night with no contractions for more than a day and was told I would receive 3 doses of ripener. Then, if nothing happened by 10am, they'd let me eat and shower and then they'd start the pitocin. They gave me the first dose of the ripener (I can't remember the name, but it is an alternative to Cervadil) at 11pm. At 3am, they gave me the second dose. By 4 am, my contractions had started on their own. By 5, the contractions were strong and they gave me Fentanyl to manage the pain. Side note: I don't think I'll take that again-I was LOOPY! It's an opiate and I was completely out of it for a while-NO likey! That worked for about an hour. The baby started having trouble with my contractions-pulse dropping and generally experiencing distress. I had to lay on my side and that seemed to help some, but he was still having trouble with the strong ones. Colton had this problem too-even without the Fentanyl, so I wasn't too worried. By 730, I was in transition and they gave me the epidural by 745am. From there, it was a mad dash to delivery. Everything progressed so much faster than any of us expected, the midwife and nurses included. I'm pretty sure they had decided that since (s)he was so high when I checked in, nothing would happen on its own before the pitocin the next day. Obviously, (s)he dropped-quickly. By 9, I was pushing. The midwife told me to keep pushing, regardless of contractions. After the 3rd push, at 9:07am, I had an 8 pound baby. It was amazing, considering I pushed for 2 hours with my first son, after laboring down for the 3 hours before. At the time, I had no idea what kind of distress the baby was in. Afterward, the Nurse Midwife told me they did not wait for contractions to have me push because (s)he was in trouble. My placenta had already started to disintegrate and separate from the uterine wall. There was no fluid to speak of anymore either. When they threaded the epidural, the midwife broke the sac-nothing came out. After birth, they gave him to me to hold for about 30 seconds and then whisked him away to clean him up and empty him of all the blood he'd taken in (mine, not his). This was a disappointment because I was able to nurse my first son and held him for an hour or more before I had to release him to get him cleaned up. I'm so glad they didn't tell me about all the issues with Lincoln until after they determined he was fine. I would have been a basketcase during labor. I'm also glad we didn't wait any longer than we did to induce labor.
On a less serious note, when he came out, my mother said, "Omigosh, it's a boy!" I thought she was joking, and told her that wasn't funny. Clinton replied with, "She's not joking!" My first thought, as I struggled to sit up and see for myself, was, 'well, I hope he likes pink!' As it turns out, the sonogram tech that did my gender analysis had mis-identified 5 other babies in the month-we were number 6, according to the nurses in the room. Interesting, considering that ultrasound was the most expensive of all the ones that we had done. During that ultrasound, we asked her to describe WHY it was a girl, and she went into detail about what she saw that showed her it was a girl-it wasn't just the lack of visible evidence of a boy. Now, I'm not sure what we were looking at, but it obviously wasn't what she said we were looking at. We had about 6 ultrasounds during my pregnancy, but no one caught it or said anything. In the others' defense, the other ultrasounds were not looking for gender, but still, you'd think someone would have seen something fishy. Nope. Not one. After it warms up, I can use Colton's clothes for him, but since he was born in July, I didn't have any tiny cold-weather clothes. Thankfully, our friends and family have graciously helped us clothe our boy like a boy, so he didn't have to go home in a pink onesie with a frilly pink hat.
With a different gender, we had to come up with a new name. With Colton, Clinton picked his first name, and I picked his middle name. With Lincoln, it was reversed. I picked Lincoln, and Clinton's contribution was Hawke. It's quite a name for a tiny little boy. Hopefully, he'll appreciate it as he gets older. With any luck, he'll grow into it well. :)
Lincoln has certainly kept us on our toes. He had a minor blood sugar issue the first day, so they had me supplementing my nursing feedings with formula. After 3 good blood glucose readings with that method, they let me drop the formula. That was a blessing and also a curse. After I dropped the formula, they made me feed him every 2 hours-no more sleeping for me! Now, though, he's doing fine. He eats about every 2 hours during the day, and I've stretched it to 3-4 hours during the night for the last 2 nights, and it seems to be good for us both. I have finally slept more than 30 minutes in a stretch, and I feel great. He's responding normally and has finally started having BM's on a regular basis*. *(funny story on that later) On that same vein, I feel wonderful after this birth. With my first, I was saddle sore and swollen enough to have trouble sitting for over a week. I had 8 stitches and could hardly get up out of the bed for several days. This time, I had virtually no swelling (with the exception of my feet), and only 2 stitches. I am barely sore at all and have almost no significant bleeding. That's good too, considering they told me I was borderline anemic when I left the hospital. A week later, I feel normal, if a little squishy around the middle. I am also not the emotional wreck I was after Colton. I feel like I have a much better handle on this baby thing than the first time. Nursing is going well. It's been a week and the pain is receding and my supply is mostly regulated. That's also a blessing. Those first few days are ROUGH!
Colton has been an absolute angel with Lincoln. He hands the baby his toys and is eager to help fetch things for the baby and me. He told me last night when I was tucking him in, "Mama, what's that? (pointing to my belly). I told him, "That's my belly." He said, "It's big." I replied, telling him it's smaller than it was. He thought about it for a sec and said, "Baby Heidi didn't come. Baby Lincoln came out your belly instead." HALLELUJAH, HE GETS IT! :) Now, he talks constantly about his "baby brudder". It's so cute! Clinton has been an angel as well. He is very solicitous and helpful and has virtually taken over care of Colton so that I can rest between feedings of the baby. It's been wonderful! He told me yesterday he was so proud of me and what a good mom I am, and that I deserved a medal every day for it. I almost cried! True or not, it was just what an overtired dairy cow needed to hear! :)
Lincoln is such a happy baby-just like Colton. He very rarely cries, and is easily consoled when he does. Food and a clean diaper are all he really needs. He sleeps well as long as he is touching me. We'll work on sleeping in the crib later. We've got time. :) I plan to enjoy this baby more than I did Colton's early days. I didn't understand how sweet it is and how fast it is gone. I do now. Every day is a blessing with each of my children. I love both their hugs and kisses and cherish the conversations I have with each-even if one can't respond with words yet.
* Funny poop story (do not read if queasy):
We went to the pediatrician on Tuesday and decided to stop for coffee/breakfast at McDonald's on the way home. During the course of our meal, Lincoln had his first BM since before leaving the hospital on Sunday. I decided since we were going to Clint's work afterward to get his check, to change the diaper at McD's as they have changing tables in their bathrooms, in case anyone would want to see the baby. I should have just left it till we got home. It was awful-green/black, sticky and everywhere! I did not bring an extra outfit because I had forgotten this aspect of infant-dom. I will not forget again. The under-onsie caught the mess that left the diaper, so the outside layer was still "clean" and, therefore, reusable. Thank God for small miracles. However, when I took the onsie off, it dragged the mess all the way up his body. There were no paper towels in the bathroom at all. I ended up sacrificing the under-onsie to finish cleaning up the mess on the changing table after I bathed him in the sink (Did I mention we were at a food-service establishment??). Of course, he screeched the entire time. I'm sure people thought I was doing something awful in there. I swear it took about half an hour. I have now officially been "that mother." Sheesh.
We made the decision to induce labor, since I was almost 42 weeks and had on and off contractions for 3 weeks and was only about 2 cm dilated, soft and had all the signs of labor, including excruciating back pain. The contractions would be strong and regular for a few hours and then just stop. It was so frustrating. I was so tired and not feeling well at all, but I chalked it up to just being antsy about being overdue and having "almost labor" for almost a month. I checked into the same hospital where I delivered Colton on Thursday night with no contractions for more than a day and was told I would receive 3 doses of ripener. Then, if nothing happened by 10am, they'd let me eat and shower and then they'd start the pitocin. They gave me the first dose of the ripener (I can't remember the name, but it is an alternative to Cervadil) at 11pm. At 3am, they gave me the second dose. By 4 am, my contractions had started on their own. By 5, the contractions were strong and they gave me Fentanyl to manage the pain. Side note: I don't think I'll take that again-I was LOOPY! It's an opiate and I was completely out of it for a while-NO likey! That worked for about an hour. The baby started having trouble with my contractions-pulse dropping and generally experiencing distress. I had to lay on my side and that seemed to help some, but he was still having trouble with the strong ones. Colton had this problem too-even without the Fentanyl, so I wasn't too worried. By 730, I was in transition and they gave me the epidural by 745am. From there, it was a mad dash to delivery. Everything progressed so much faster than any of us expected, the midwife and nurses included. I'm pretty sure they had decided that since (s)he was so high when I checked in, nothing would happen on its own before the pitocin the next day. Obviously, (s)he dropped-quickly. By 9, I was pushing. The midwife told me to keep pushing, regardless of contractions. After the 3rd push, at 9:07am, I had an 8 pound baby. It was amazing, considering I pushed for 2 hours with my first son, after laboring down for the 3 hours before. At the time, I had no idea what kind of distress the baby was in. Afterward, the Nurse Midwife told me they did not wait for contractions to have me push because (s)he was in trouble. My placenta had already started to disintegrate and separate from the uterine wall. There was no fluid to speak of anymore either. When they threaded the epidural, the midwife broke the sac-nothing came out. After birth, they gave him to me to hold for about 30 seconds and then whisked him away to clean him up and empty him of all the blood he'd taken in (mine, not his). This was a disappointment because I was able to nurse my first son and held him for an hour or more before I had to release him to get him cleaned up. I'm so glad they didn't tell me about all the issues with Lincoln until after they determined he was fine. I would have been a basketcase during labor. I'm also glad we didn't wait any longer than we did to induce labor.
On a less serious note, when he came out, my mother said, "Omigosh, it's a boy!" I thought she was joking, and told her that wasn't funny. Clinton replied with, "She's not joking!" My first thought, as I struggled to sit up and see for myself, was, 'well, I hope he likes pink!' As it turns out, the sonogram tech that did my gender analysis had mis-identified 5 other babies in the month-we were number 6, according to the nurses in the room. Interesting, considering that ultrasound was the most expensive of all the ones that we had done. During that ultrasound, we asked her to describe WHY it was a girl, and she went into detail about what she saw that showed her it was a girl-it wasn't just the lack of visible evidence of a boy. Now, I'm not sure what we were looking at, but it obviously wasn't what she said we were looking at. We had about 6 ultrasounds during my pregnancy, but no one caught it or said anything. In the others' defense, the other ultrasounds were not looking for gender, but still, you'd think someone would have seen something fishy. Nope. Not one. After it warms up, I can use Colton's clothes for him, but since he was born in July, I didn't have any tiny cold-weather clothes. Thankfully, our friends and family have graciously helped us clothe our boy like a boy, so he didn't have to go home in a pink onesie with a frilly pink hat.
With a different gender, we had to come up with a new name. With Colton, Clinton picked his first name, and I picked his middle name. With Lincoln, it was reversed. I picked Lincoln, and Clinton's contribution was Hawke. It's quite a name for a tiny little boy. Hopefully, he'll appreciate it as he gets older. With any luck, he'll grow into it well. :)
Lincoln has certainly kept us on our toes. He had a minor blood sugar issue the first day, so they had me supplementing my nursing feedings with formula. After 3 good blood glucose readings with that method, they let me drop the formula. That was a blessing and also a curse. After I dropped the formula, they made me feed him every 2 hours-no more sleeping for me! Now, though, he's doing fine. He eats about every 2 hours during the day, and I've stretched it to 3-4 hours during the night for the last 2 nights, and it seems to be good for us both. I have finally slept more than 30 minutes in a stretch, and I feel great. He's responding normally and has finally started having BM's on a regular basis*. *(funny story on that later) On that same vein, I feel wonderful after this birth. With my first, I was saddle sore and swollen enough to have trouble sitting for over a week. I had 8 stitches and could hardly get up out of the bed for several days. This time, I had virtually no swelling (with the exception of my feet), and only 2 stitches. I am barely sore at all and have almost no significant bleeding. That's good too, considering they told me I was borderline anemic when I left the hospital. A week later, I feel normal, if a little squishy around the middle. I am also not the emotional wreck I was after Colton. I feel like I have a much better handle on this baby thing than the first time. Nursing is going well. It's been a week and the pain is receding and my supply is mostly regulated. That's also a blessing. Those first few days are ROUGH!
Colton has been an absolute angel with Lincoln. He hands the baby his toys and is eager to help fetch things for the baby and me. He told me last night when I was tucking him in, "Mama, what's that? (pointing to my belly). I told him, "That's my belly." He said, "It's big." I replied, telling him it's smaller than it was. He thought about it for a sec and said, "Baby Heidi didn't come. Baby Lincoln came out your belly instead." HALLELUJAH, HE GETS IT! :) Now, he talks constantly about his "baby brudder". It's so cute! Clinton has been an angel as well. He is very solicitous and helpful and has virtually taken over care of Colton so that I can rest between feedings of the baby. It's been wonderful! He told me yesterday he was so proud of me and what a good mom I am, and that I deserved a medal every day for it. I almost cried! True or not, it was just what an overtired dairy cow needed to hear! :)
Lincoln is such a happy baby-just like Colton. He very rarely cries, and is easily consoled when he does. Food and a clean diaper are all he really needs. He sleeps well as long as he is touching me. We'll work on sleeping in the crib later. We've got time. :) I plan to enjoy this baby more than I did Colton's early days. I didn't understand how sweet it is and how fast it is gone. I do now. Every day is a blessing with each of my children. I love both their hugs and kisses and cherish the conversations I have with each-even if one can't respond with words yet.
* Funny poop story (do not read if queasy):
We went to the pediatrician on Tuesday and decided to stop for coffee/breakfast at McDonald's on the way home. During the course of our meal, Lincoln had his first BM since before leaving the hospital on Sunday. I decided since we were going to Clint's work afterward to get his check, to change the diaper at McD's as they have changing tables in their bathrooms, in case anyone would want to see the baby. I should have just left it till we got home. It was awful-green/black, sticky and everywhere! I did not bring an extra outfit because I had forgotten this aspect of infant-dom. I will not forget again. The under-onsie caught the mess that left the diaper, so the outside layer was still "clean" and, therefore, reusable. Thank God for small miracles. However, when I took the onsie off, it dragged the mess all the way up his body. There were no paper towels in the bathroom at all. I ended up sacrificing the under-onsie to finish cleaning up the mess on the changing table after I bathed him in the sink (Did I mention we were at a food-service establishment??). Of course, he screeched the entire time. I'm sure people thought I was doing something awful in there. I swear it took about half an hour. I have now officially been "that mother." Sheesh.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
38 week maternity visit
Today's visit did not go well. First rattle out of the box, I was told I have glucose in my sample, so they stuck me with a Glucometer. Turns out it was only 82, so everything turned out to be fine, but that only the first drop (hardy, har, har!) in the bucket. I almost passed out twice during the exam and then again several times later on when I was in the ultrasound room. I never actually left consciousness, but the black and white dots showed up several times. It was so bad, they brought me juice and crackers and a cold rag. Then, when they thought Heidi was breech, again, so they did an ultrasound, like I mentioned. The last time-at 34 weeks, she was not. This time-the little stinker had turned herself right-side-up within the last 4 weeks.
The Dr. said wwe had 3 choices. First, we could wait till labor started and try to turn her during labor from the inside-but that would have to happen (or be induced) within 2 or 3 days so she doesn't get too big to turn. Second, we can try to turn her now, at the risk of triggering labor, breaking the sac or worse. OR, we could just schedule a c-section. Each choice equally distatesful in its own way, I chose the second option to try to turn the baby now, from the outside. I am not sure if any of you have ever had this done, but it was the most exquisitely painful experience I have ever had, short of actual labor. What's worse, I came home and took a nap, and now, I'm even more sore. The Dr. had to push so hard to get her to move (she was sweating by the end), every muscle in my midsection now feels like it's been through severe trauma. I can barely walk. I called out sick to work today in the hopes I will be able to take care of myself and Colton tomorrow alone and work a full shift tomorrow night too. I'm probably a big old wuss, but this is truly painful! On the plus side, right after they turned her-before I got really sore-while they had me hooked up to the belly monitors for an hour, I got to sit in a recliner and read my book while having the nurses wait on me hand and foot, bring me juice and crackers and basically cater to me. That was really nice! :) However, on a side note and to my credit, the Dr. said that some women can't tolerate it and abort the procedure halfway thru in favor of a c-section. The good news is-they report she is now head down and still moving and healthy, and my water is still intact. So far, I've had many pretty strong contractions, but the Dr. said it was from irritation and they should calm down. If they don't-you could be in labor-keep us posted. I'm full term-38, almost 39 weeks, so it would be a blessing at this point. :)
From now till I deliver, I'm supposed to sit and stand, take it easy, and not lay flat-even to sleep- to ensure she doesn't stray from the head-down position. It wasn't like I slept well before, and now I have to sit up (okay, only @ 30') to sleep-nice. I'm not on bedrest, but I'm not supposed to do anything strenuous that might keep her from settling into position. The problem is, it hurts to sit and stand. I'm also supposed to sit on my exercise ball or in a cross-legged position (not sit on the ball cross-legged-yikes!) to try to ease her down into position so she gets "stuck"- to quote the Dr. I'm so glad I don't have any other obligations. (Where's the sarcasm font when you need it??)
I know I should be happy that Heidi is healthy-if breech- and I am healthy and there are no major issues to contend with. I made the mistake of saying, out loud, yesterday, that I had all my work paperwork in order, and I was down to just finishing my last shifts and organizing and allowed myself to relax a little bit. Then today's appointment came to bite me. Good grief. Is it time to deliver yet? I need some sweet tiny baby lovin' to get me thru the rest of this!
The Dr. said wwe had 3 choices. First, we could wait till labor started and try to turn her during labor from the inside-but that would have to happen (or be induced) within 2 or 3 days so she doesn't get too big to turn. Second, we can try to turn her now, at the risk of triggering labor, breaking the sac or worse. OR, we could just schedule a c-section. Each choice equally distatesful in its own way, I chose the second option to try to turn the baby now, from the outside. I am not sure if any of you have ever had this done, but it was the most exquisitely painful experience I have ever had, short of actual labor. What's worse, I came home and took a nap, and now, I'm even more sore. The Dr. had to push so hard to get her to move (she was sweating by the end), every muscle in my midsection now feels like it's been through severe trauma. I can barely walk. I called out sick to work today in the hopes I will be able to take care of myself and Colton tomorrow alone and work a full shift tomorrow night too. I'm probably a big old wuss, but this is truly painful! On the plus side, right after they turned her-before I got really sore-while they had me hooked up to the belly monitors for an hour, I got to sit in a recliner and read my book while having the nurses wait on me hand and foot, bring me juice and crackers and basically cater to me. That was really nice! :) However, on a side note and to my credit, the Dr. said that some women can't tolerate it and abort the procedure halfway thru in favor of a c-section. The good news is-they report she is now head down and still moving and healthy, and my water is still intact. So far, I've had many pretty strong contractions, but the Dr. said it was from irritation and they should calm down. If they don't-you could be in labor-keep us posted. I'm full term-38, almost 39 weeks, so it would be a blessing at this point. :)
From now till I deliver, I'm supposed to sit and stand, take it easy, and not lay flat-even to sleep- to ensure she doesn't stray from the head-down position. It wasn't like I slept well before, and now I have to sit up (okay, only @ 30') to sleep-nice. I'm not on bedrest, but I'm not supposed to do anything strenuous that might keep her from settling into position. The problem is, it hurts to sit and stand. I'm also supposed to sit on my exercise ball or in a cross-legged position (not sit on the ball cross-legged-yikes!) to try to ease her down into position so she gets "stuck"- to quote the Dr. I'm so glad I don't have any other obligations. (Where's the sarcasm font when you need it??)
I know I should be happy that Heidi is healthy-if breech- and I am healthy and there are no major issues to contend with. I made the mistake of saying, out loud, yesterday, that I had all my work paperwork in order, and I was down to just finishing my last shifts and organizing and allowed myself to relax a little bit. Then today's appointment came to bite me. Good grief. Is it time to deliver yet? I need some sweet tiny baby lovin' to get me thru the rest of this!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Reflections on parenting
Most of you are familiar with my lists. Most of my lists are funny, but I refuse to make any guarantees for this one. Between late-term pregnancy symptoms, exhaustion, a two-year-old who is pushing the envelope really hard and mandatory overtime looming at my job for at least the next two weeks, humor has been hard to come by. I am a little over 3 weeks from my due date, and it's a challenge to get out of bed at all. This list is an attempt to find the smile I've lost.
1. There is an INSANE amount of paperwork involved in being a parent. There are day care forms, forms for when they miss too many days, Dr.'s notes for your work when you miss for the kid, forms for maternity leave, forms for schedule changes-it never ends.
2. Food for a growing child is expensive! My kid eats both us and the sitter out of house and home.
3. Cuddling is the best feeling ever. I love cuddling with Colton. Today, he was a weird little moody yo-yo, swinging back and forth from super frantic to angry to whiney to cuddly to fun. The cuddliness made up for the bad parts.
4. Two-year-olds are weird moody little yo-yo's. They have on and off switches, but no dimmers and no filters. It's positively exhausting.
5. My two-year-old creates more laundry in 1 day than I do in a week. Yes, it helps that I work from home and don't get out much, but I still wear clothes. Apparently, he can't keep 1 outfit clean per day.
6. Colton's powers of comprehension and vocabulary amaze me every second of every day.
7. Colton's imagination is so creative. I love to listen to what he makes up.
8. Parenting involves an enormous amount of decision-making. Do you make them eat, do you refuse to let them wear mismatched clothes, do you schedule playdates or let them veg? That doesn't even include the medical decisions-are they sick enough for a doctor visit or just wait it out, band-aid or stitches, flu or allergies, ear infection or just waxy ears, dry skin or ringworm, gangrene or just plain filthy?
9. Colton's compassion makes me swell up with pride. If I stub my toe or bang my elbow, he'll ask if I'm okay and if I need a kiss. Today, I was holding my belly, and he wanted to know if it hurt. I said, "No, it's just heavy." He came over to me and tried to hold it up for me.
10. I am excited, overwhelmed, apprehensive and ecstatic all at the same time to think we're going to have another yo-yo to amaze and befuddle us, create more paperwork and laundry, double the grocery bill and cuddle with!
1. There is an INSANE amount of paperwork involved in being a parent. There are day care forms, forms for when they miss too many days, Dr.'s notes for your work when you miss for the kid, forms for maternity leave, forms for schedule changes-it never ends.
2. Food for a growing child is expensive! My kid eats both us and the sitter out of house and home.
3. Cuddling is the best feeling ever. I love cuddling with Colton. Today, he was a weird little moody yo-yo, swinging back and forth from super frantic to angry to whiney to cuddly to fun. The cuddliness made up for the bad parts.
4. Two-year-olds are weird moody little yo-yo's. They have on and off switches, but no dimmers and no filters. It's positively exhausting.
5. My two-year-old creates more laundry in 1 day than I do in a week. Yes, it helps that I work from home and don't get out much, but I still wear clothes. Apparently, he can't keep 1 outfit clean per day.
6. Colton's powers of comprehension and vocabulary amaze me every second of every day.
7. Colton's imagination is so creative. I love to listen to what he makes up.
8. Parenting involves an enormous amount of decision-making. Do you make them eat, do you refuse to let them wear mismatched clothes, do you schedule playdates or let them veg? That doesn't even include the medical decisions-are they sick enough for a doctor visit or just wait it out, band-aid or stitches, flu or allergies, ear infection or just waxy ears, dry skin or ringworm, gangrene or just plain filthy?
9. Colton's compassion makes me swell up with pride. If I stub my toe or bang my elbow, he'll ask if I'm okay and if I need a kiss. Today, I was holding my belly, and he wanted to know if it hurt. I said, "No, it's just heavy." He came over to me and tried to hold it up for me.
10. I am excited, overwhelmed, apprehensive and ecstatic all at the same time to think we're going to have another yo-yo to amaze and befuddle us, create more paperwork and laundry, double the grocery bill and cuddle with!
Monday, November 14, 2011
Renewed intentions, if I can find the energy to implement them
Hello, Friends!
It has been a good long while since we've visited. All of you, my followers, are my friends on Facebook, and lately, I've only had the energy to post about 20 words at a time, so a blog seemed unnecessary. I will apologize up front for a rambling, unorganized blog post.
I have entered my third trimester and have officially begun nesting. Colton's room got it first. The big boy bed we ordered for him is gracing someone else's home after UPS lost it, so it is not quite finished yet. I waited until he was gone for the day to redistribute the baby toys to the baby's room and have a huge box of toys to give to Goodwill and another one of books to go to Half Price Books. The baby's room is now officially a disaster due to all the things that got "reassigned" from Colton's room. BUT, it's a step in the right direction. The cleaning thing is a snowball waiting to roll out of control. I have to clean out Colton's room for the bed because we need the crib for the baby. I have to clean the baby's room (my office currently) to accept all his castoffs. First, though, I have to clean our room to accept the stuff from my office. I need a nap just thinking about it.
The problem lies in the fact that I am stuck not prepping for the baby until the absolute last minute because I plan to work right up until I go into labor. I can't move my office until I'm on maternity leave. I guess the people who come visit for the birth will be moving my work equipment and furniture while I'm in the hospital. :)
Colton has started to use the toilet more frequently, but needs more direction. Potty training is hard work for Mama. I am so not interested in running to the toilet every hour or two, only to argue with a toddler who doesn't want to sit on it, even though he says he does. Ugh.
I have been better about my schedule and getting to bed on time, balancing naps and awake time. Then the time change hit and screwed everything up. Colton is having a hard time with it too. He was a walking zombie this past week. We don't have the luxury of gradually adjusting his schedule to accommodate the change because we have to work and take him to daycare. This week seems to be better, though, so we'll hope for continued improvement. Although, I walked into his room this morning, and he said, "Mama, turn light off. I want sleeps." Poor kiddo!
All this has added up to a very intimidating schedule, so much that I have a hard time just thinking about it. There are days I am so overwhelmed that I have trouble getting out of bed-even though the stress keeps me from sleeping well. I have done my best to keep up, but I have not done well managing my stress about it all. I sincerely hope you have not been a victim of my stress and failure to manage it effectively. If you have, please accept the humble apology of a hormonal, sleep-deprived, hugely pregnant woman with a full time job and a toddler.
My intentions, as mentioned in the title, are to stress out less, and enjoy my time with my small family before we add our second blessing. Colton is a joy to watch and interact with, and I love every second with him-even when he's pushed every one of my buttons that day. If the house is not completely clean or ready for the baby and potty training is not finished by the time Heidi arrives, at least I know my son will know I love him and my husband and I will have happy memories of the time when it was just the 3 of us. I'm keeping my eyes on the prize and living for today! Everything else can wait. Except a nap. Nighty nite!
It has been a good long while since we've visited. All of you, my followers, are my friends on Facebook, and lately, I've only had the energy to post about 20 words at a time, so a blog seemed unnecessary. I will apologize up front for a rambling, unorganized blog post.
I have entered my third trimester and have officially begun nesting. Colton's room got it first. The big boy bed we ordered for him is gracing someone else's home after UPS lost it, so it is not quite finished yet. I waited until he was gone for the day to redistribute the baby toys to the baby's room and have a huge box of toys to give to Goodwill and another one of books to go to Half Price Books. The baby's room is now officially a disaster due to all the things that got "reassigned" from Colton's room. BUT, it's a step in the right direction. The cleaning thing is a snowball waiting to roll out of control. I have to clean out Colton's room for the bed because we need the crib for the baby. I have to clean the baby's room (my office currently) to accept all his castoffs. First, though, I have to clean our room to accept the stuff from my office. I need a nap just thinking about it.
The problem lies in the fact that I am stuck not prepping for the baby until the absolute last minute because I plan to work right up until I go into labor. I can't move my office until I'm on maternity leave. I guess the people who come visit for the birth will be moving my work equipment and furniture while I'm in the hospital. :)
Colton has started to use the toilet more frequently, but needs more direction. Potty training is hard work for Mama. I am so not interested in running to the toilet every hour or two, only to argue with a toddler who doesn't want to sit on it, even though he says he does. Ugh.
I have been better about my schedule and getting to bed on time, balancing naps and awake time. Then the time change hit and screwed everything up. Colton is having a hard time with it too. He was a walking zombie this past week. We don't have the luxury of gradually adjusting his schedule to accommodate the change because we have to work and take him to daycare. This week seems to be better, though, so we'll hope for continued improvement. Although, I walked into his room this morning, and he said, "Mama, turn light off. I want sleeps." Poor kiddo!
All this has added up to a very intimidating schedule, so much that I have a hard time just thinking about it. There are days I am so overwhelmed that I have trouble getting out of bed-even though the stress keeps me from sleeping well. I have done my best to keep up, but I have not done well managing my stress about it all. I sincerely hope you have not been a victim of my stress and failure to manage it effectively. If you have, please accept the humble apology of a hormonal, sleep-deprived, hugely pregnant woman with a full time job and a toddler.
My intentions, as mentioned in the title, are to stress out less, and enjoy my time with my small family before we add our second blessing. Colton is a joy to watch and interact with, and I love every second with him-even when he's pushed every one of my buttons that day. If the house is not completely clean or ready for the baby and potty training is not finished by the time Heidi arrives, at least I know my son will know I love him and my husband and I will have happy memories of the time when it was just the 3 of us. I'm keeping my eyes on the prize and living for today! Everything else can wait. Except a nap. Nighty nite!
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