For a while, I've been compiling questions in my head that I can never ask. Specifically, questions I would like to ask my 9.5 month old baby. I would LOVE to know why he does some things.
1. What is humorous to you? For example, you laugh at your own feet. You laugh when I shake my head or look at you with a certain look, or play peek a boo. You laugh when you're being tickled. You laugh when your brother squeezes you so tight, your face turns red. I'm pretty sure you laugh when you want others to laugh-even though nothing funny is going on. Why? How do you determine what's funny?
2. What is SO FREAKING INTERESTING behind the wood stove that you must crawl back there at least 4 times/day?? I mean, I understand unshelving the DVD's at least once an hour because they're bright colors, have faces, etc., but a deep, dark, dirty space that's impossible to squeeze my body behind to extricate you without banging your limbs or head when you become entangled in its legs-c'mon!
3. Why do you look over my shoulder when I look at you sometimes? It makes me think there's something behind me. Then when I look and there's nothing there, I wonder if you can see ghosts. It seriously creeps me out.
4. Why must you chew on electrical cords? I understand it if they are just within your reach and we don't realize it or if they are accidentally left so that you tangle yourself in them. However, if you see one across the room, you will crawl as fast as you can to get to it and immediately shove it in your mouth with its sharp little teeth and commence gnawing. I thought we gave up that annoyance when we bid adieu to those cats.
5. How do you choose when to sleep and eat? Some days you do exactly as you need to (sleep when you're tired, etc.) Other days, you fight it every step of the way. There is no logic to it that I can figure.
I'm sure this list will grow as I have time to think of more. Until then, I will continue to be amazed by you every day. :)
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Sunday, October 14, 2012
An injustice corrected
Sometimes, we stroll down memory lane alone, just remembering the way things were. Other times, we amble as a group and make a few adjustments. This weekend, we attended the consecration of a grave that had previously been unblessed. It was a grave of a four-year-old boy, named Robert Earl Strosser, my father-in-law's uncle. He passed away after dehydrating as a result of eating too many green apples or pears. The oral history is unclear on his actual cause of death as he died in 1921. At the time of his death, there was some disagreement about the fact he was not laid to rest in a Catholic cemetery so the serving priest refused to bless the grave. Saturday, that injustice was addressed and corrected. Deacon Ed conducted the consecration and gave a beautiful prayer, and for that, we cannot be grateful enough. My mother-in-law brought the prayer book of Robert's mother and a picture of her at her first communion and laid it on the grave during the service. There are no pictures of the little boy that we know of. Inside the prayer book, Helen (the mother) had written many events, like births and deaths. It broke this mother's heart to see how she had to squeeze in the date of her little boy's death, as I'm sure she didn't expect to write it in herself and did not leave enough room.
There was one woman, Dorothy Heib, at the consecration who had attended the funeral as a six-year-old girl. She is 93 now. She told of how she was forced to sit during the service and was restless and wanted to know what was going on. As soon as my father-in-law's father (her uncle) relaxed his grip on her hand, she scampered up to the grave site as they were lowering the casket. She said a chill came over her as she saw the fabric lining the grave and the dirt falling on top of the casket as they filled in the hole. She ran back to him as fast as she could. She recalled he held her especially hard after that, but it was unnecessary since she was so disturbed.
After the service, we all went to Schilo's to drink homemade root beer and eat Ruebens or hamburger steak. We talked for hours, sharing memories and making new ones.
These memories are important to all of us. Without oral history, we lose the spirit of our existence and of who we are. When our elders pass on those memories, we become the keeper of them. They belong to us. It is our responsibility to protect their integrity and pass them to our children. It is also our responsibility to ensure our children are aware of these responsibilities and act on them. So the next time you find yourself on the listening end of a story that begins, "Back then, things were different...," relax and really listen and take it in. You never know what you might learn about your elders, or about yourself.
There was one woman, Dorothy Heib, at the consecration who had attended the funeral as a six-year-old girl. She is 93 now. She told of how she was forced to sit during the service and was restless and wanted to know what was going on. As soon as my father-in-law's father (her uncle) relaxed his grip on her hand, she scampered up to the grave site as they were lowering the casket. She said a chill came over her as she saw the fabric lining the grave and the dirt falling on top of the casket as they filled in the hole. She ran back to him as fast as she could. She recalled he held her especially hard after that, but it was unnecessary since she was so disturbed.
After the service, we all went to Schilo's to drink homemade root beer and eat Ruebens or hamburger steak. We talked for hours, sharing memories and making new ones.
These memories are important to all of us. Without oral history, we lose the spirit of our existence and of who we are. When our elders pass on those memories, we become the keeper of them. They belong to us. It is our responsibility to protect their integrity and pass them to our children. It is also our responsibility to ensure our children are aware of these responsibilities and act on them. So the next time you find yourself on the listening end of a story that begins, "Back then, things were different...," relax and really listen and take it in. You never know what you might learn about your elders, or about yourself.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Halloween inspired short story
He was about ready to burst with excitement. Jack was getting ready for the best night of his life. He still couldn't believe Candace had agreed to go out with him. He'd been trying to ask her out for years and finally got up the courage to ask her this past Wednesday. She'd said yes almost immediately. Afterward, it was everything he could do not to jump up and do a fist pump. or pass out. at least until she was out of sight and earshot. He finished brushing his unruly ginger hair back from his face and made sure there was no food stuck in obvious places in his braces. He was hoping to get as far as second base tonight, and he wanted to be ready. Contrary to the teasing from his friends, he'd been on dates before, but never with a cheerleader with an awesome body. Who cares if it was a pity date? A date was a date. They had also teased him about the fact that her last boyfriend had disappeared, calling her a black widow and applying other less than imaginative labels. Her previous flame was the quarterback of the football team and had not been seen in months. No one knew what happened to him. He shook that thought out of his mind and tried to mentally prepare himself for his date.
Candace slipped her up dress over her hips and pulled the zipper up the side. She pulled her sandals onto her feet and put the final touches on her hair and makeup. Eyes as yellow as her blond hair stared back at her from the mirror. She dabbed a little bit of perfume on her neck and wrists and blew out a puff of air she'd been holding in her chest. Tonight was her date with Jack. He'd been bugging her for months, years really, but it had really started to bother her recently. Over the last few weeks, he'd been following her around like a forlorn puppy, asking to carry her bag to practice, her lunch tray and anything else he could do to just talk to her. Even if she was interested in him, which she wasn't in the least, his desperation made him extremely unattractive. She finally agreed to go out with him to end this annoying chapter of her life. He had finally arrived pick her up and knocked on the door. She heard him enter and her dad and brothers were giving him the business in the front room. Her mother had never been a part of her life. She'd been gone since Candace was small. Her father and brothers were very protective of her as the only girl, and truthfully, she liked it that way.
She walked into the living room and everyone fell quiet and looked at her as she entered.
"You look great, Candace. Are you ready to go?" asked Jack.
"Yeah. Let's go, Jack. Dad, I'm sure I'll be home on time. In fact, I promise." She cut his admonition short before he could say it out loud.
"Don't do anything I wouldn't." her eldest brother quipped.
She rolled her eyes and dragged Jack out onto the porch. The full moon shone brightly. She shivered slightly and walked through the shadows it cast on the sidewalk to Jack's car. He opened the passenger door for her as she expected, and she experienced the first stab of guilt. He really was working hard for this date. She steeled her resolve. She couldn't have him following her around like he had been.
He took her on a typical high school date. They ate dinner at the local hangout and then saw a movie. It was October, so they decided on a slasher flick. He made the choice hoping if she was frightened, she would jump and hide her face in his chest or shoulder, or at the very least, press herself against his arm. In actuality, she seemed to thrive on the gore as the characters were picked off, in increasingly fantastic fashion.
At the end of the movie, it was Candace who suggested they drive up to Sandy Mountain. Sandy Mountain was where all the kids went to make out. As he drove, he became increasingly aroused and became anxious he would get too excited too fast. He needn't have worried. As soon as he parked and turned off the lights, she pounced on him. Her hands worked inside his shirt as her tongue lashed into his mouth. He tasted blood as she mashed his lips into his braces, and that only seemed to fuel her excitement. His hands found the hem of her shirt, moved under it, and his hands cupped her breast over the satiny material of her bra. He squeezed and kneaded and pinched and she seemed to lose herself, growling as he worked his hand under the material to touch her skin.
Her hands came up to his neck, and she was scratching him as she clutched at him. He was too aroused to care. It happened in an instant. Candace snapped his neck back quickly, he almost didn't hear the snap of the breaking bone. She drew her hand across his neck opened a large gash with her fingernail. He couldn't feel it because his spinal cord had been severed, but warm, rich blood flowed down his arm and chest and pooled in his lap in the bucket seat. His head drooped awkwardly against the window as his unsupported muscles failed and the blood drained from him. As his life dimmed, he saw a dense shadow in the woods, a pair of eyes reflecting the moonlight. With his final breath, he rolled his eyes to the passenger seat and saw Candace was gone.
Candace slipped her up dress over her hips and pulled the zipper up the side. She pulled her sandals onto her feet and put the final touches on her hair and makeup. Eyes as yellow as her blond hair stared back at her from the mirror. She dabbed a little bit of perfume on her neck and wrists and blew out a puff of air she'd been holding in her chest. Tonight was her date with Jack. He'd been bugging her for months, years really, but it had really started to bother her recently. Over the last few weeks, he'd been following her around like a forlorn puppy, asking to carry her bag to practice, her lunch tray and anything else he could do to just talk to her. Even if she was interested in him, which she wasn't in the least, his desperation made him extremely unattractive. She finally agreed to go out with him to end this annoying chapter of her life. He had finally arrived pick her up and knocked on the door. She heard him enter and her dad and brothers were giving him the business in the front room. Her mother had never been a part of her life. She'd been gone since Candace was small. Her father and brothers were very protective of her as the only girl, and truthfully, she liked it that way.
She walked into the living room and everyone fell quiet and looked at her as she entered.
"You look great, Candace. Are you ready to go?" asked Jack.
"Yeah. Let's go, Jack. Dad, I'm sure I'll be home on time. In fact, I promise." She cut his admonition short before he could say it out loud.
"Don't do anything I wouldn't." her eldest brother quipped.
She rolled her eyes and dragged Jack out onto the porch. The full moon shone brightly. She shivered slightly and walked through the shadows it cast on the sidewalk to Jack's car. He opened the passenger door for her as she expected, and she experienced the first stab of guilt. He really was working hard for this date. She steeled her resolve. She couldn't have him following her around like he had been.
He took her on a typical high school date. They ate dinner at the local hangout and then saw a movie. It was October, so they decided on a slasher flick. He made the choice hoping if she was frightened, she would jump and hide her face in his chest or shoulder, or at the very least, press herself against his arm. In actuality, she seemed to thrive on the gore as the characters were picked off, in increasingly fantastic fashion.
At the end of the movie, it was Candace who suggested they drive up to Sandy Mountain. Sandy Mountain was where all the kids went to make out. As he drove, he became increasingly aroused and became anxious he would get too excited too fast. He needn't have worried. As soon as he parked and turned off the lights, she pounced on him. Her hands worked inside his shirt as her tongue lashed into his mouth. He tasted blood as she mashed his lips into his braces, and that only seemed to fuel her excitement. His hands found the hem of her shirt, moved under it, and his hands cupped her breast over the satiny material of her bra. He squeezed and kneaded and pinched and she seemed to lose herself, growling as he worked his hand under the material to touch her skin.
Her hands came up to his neck, and she was scratching him as she clutched at him. He was too aroused to care. It happened in an instant. Candace snapped his neck back quickly, he almost didn't hear the snap of the breaking bone. She drew her hand across his neck opened a large gash with her fingernail. He couldn't feel it because his spinal cord had been severed, but warm, rich blood flowed down his arm and chest and pooled in his lap in the bucket seat. His head drooped awkwardly against the window as his unsupported muscles failed and the blood drained from him. As his life dimmed, he saw a dense shadow in the woods, a pair of eyes reflecting the moonlight. With his final breath, he rolled his eyes to the passenger seat and saw Candace was gone.
****************
Candace padded into her living room just before midnight. "See, I told you I'd be home on time." she said with a smirk.
"Did you finish your date?" her dad inquired, his yellow eyes gleaming.
"Yes of course. He tried to get fresh with me at Sandy Mountain. You'll find him there."
Her padded out of the room, sniffing the air as he did. Her brothers followed him single file, and they all disappeared into the night.
*****************
The next morning, the police found Jack's car on Sandy Mountain, covered in blood, but there was no sign of Jack. Local law enforcement said the amount of blood they found in the car ensured Jack would not have survived whatever happened. His body was never found. They found the quarterback's letter jacket in the trunk of Jack's car. It was supposed Jack was responsible for the quarterback's disappearance-an act of jealousy, and a vigilante exacted vengeance for it. Due to lack of hard evidence, including either body, nothing was ever confirmed. Over the years, there were others, mostly young men, who disappeared in that area. It was assumed they were either hunting mishaps, or a bear or a very large wolf was responsible, even though no animal or den was ever found close by. Only Candace and her family knew the truth.
Am I cursed?
Now that your skin is sufficiently crawling, I can say this: I think someone is trying to tell us something. In the last 5 years or so, we've had more than our fair share of run-ins with snakes. Ok, we live in the country, so that allows for more than the average, but I still think it's been excessive-some were harmless, but some were venomous. For example, about 5 years ago, we had a rattler coiled up in the darkest corner of the yard by the house. Turns out, he had a friend under the house with him.
Then about 4 years ago, the first bull snake fried himself on our transformer. at 11pm. on a weeknight where it was still 100 degrees. Thank goodness the electric company fixed it by 2am.
Shortly after that, I'd say probably a month, we were walking at the outlet mall in San Marcos and ran across a snake on the sidewalk in front of one of the stores. Same kind as at our house-a bull snake, I think. Incidentally, the security guard at the mall wouldn't do anything about it, so Clint got one of those expandable hanger things they use to hang clothes up high and took it out to the field behind the mall. He looked like the pied piper with all the people following to get a look at the snake.
About a month after that, there was another bull snake stretched out on top of the chain link fence in our back yard. Through an unfortunate series of events, Clinton ended up jousting with it in the front yard with a leaf rake. Quality entertainment for the neighbors, for sure! That was a really bad season.
The next spring, we were able to hear the snake that took up residence in our attic sliding around. He's been up there since. Fun. NOT!
Pretty much every year since then, we've had a snake blow out our transformer. This year, we had 2.
We hosted a crawfish boil earlier this summer where a guest killed a little rattler in our garage.
Since they excavated the toll road behind us, we've killed several rattlers, a couple per year, by running them over with the car down the road, close to the creek.
Then the snake in the jeep, above.
We could get a barn cat to take care of the snakes around the house. However, the neighbors dogs would see to it that cat didn't last long since they run loose in the neighborhood. Or sulphur. Or any number of things you can do to your house to make it less desirable for snakes to visit or live. That begs the question, though, why do snakes find us EVERYWHERE? I'm convinced there is no solution. We are just plagued by snakes and there's nothing we can do about it. Just call me Medusa (without the whole 'turning to stone' phenom).
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Transition and new beginnings
In June, I made a rather abrupt transition from working full-time to full-time child-rearing and homemaking. I'm not going to lie-I'm not that good at being a full-time mom. I get frustrated easily and am not good at being consistent ALL day. Plus, I miss my work friends, the company, and the work itself. I miss the time it afforded me away from household chores and responsibilities (even if I still had to look at the piles of laundry and listen to the baby's screams and Colton's attitude because I worked in my bedroom.) I'm making progress, but it's been a little rough in places. You know, like the place where you haven't had a second to yourself in three days because the hubby has worked through dinner/bath/bedtime, and then he says he's leaving for a weekend with the boys (adult friends, not our kids) at the end of the month. I've slammed a few doors, shed a few tears and would give up just about anything to shower or potty or eat a full meal without interruption or at least while it's still warm. In the end, though, it's been the most rewarding job I can think of, even if it is also the most stressful. My career has been in education and also customer service, so the fact that I think it's more stressful than that is saying something. The extra stress is worth it to see my happy, growing children, even if I want to strangle them sometimes. C'mon, though-let's be real. Who hasn't entertained the idea of strangling their employees, co-workers or boss at some point?? I am so glad I now get to have conversations and take nature hikes with my 3 year old and sing with my 7 month old. Colton has learned how to push my buttons, but he's also learned a few other things from me too. He may not prefer to perform on command, but he knows several letters and numbers by sight, how to use scissors and beads, and "reads" to Lincoln at bedtime. I missed a lot of that with Colton by working nights starting at 6 months of age. I was so tired for most of his life, I couldn't enjoy him as much as I wanted to. Now, if I miss a couple of hours of sleep overnight, I don't have to worry as much as if I also had to juggle a job. I take things in stride a lot better and am infinitely less stressed than I was for the one month I tried to go back to work after Lincoln was three months old. Clinton is less stressed too.With him working days and me working nights, we had zero together time, and almost no social life or free time. It was starting to grate on both of our nerves. Now we have the freedom to enjoy our kids and enjoy each other. Clinton has also commenced taking classes again so I am alone one night a week.
With all that extra free time (?!) I am starting to look for something more. I believe after the middle of the month, I will begin working on Christmas presents and plans. I know that seems early, but everything takes twice as much time when juggling two kids. I never knew it could take me 2 hours to cook a simple dinner or bake a cake, but with Colton's help and Lincoln's distraction, it is the norm now. Plus, sometimes, things that are finished or almost finished either get taken apart or ruined by said help and distraction later in the process. I am also thinking of planting a fall garden in the next week or so, some pumpkins and such.That is to say, I will plant a garden in the spring instead, since I'm pretty sure I'm not going to actually get a garden in the ground in time for fall. It's a nice thought though. With next year's crops, I'd like to do more canning and freezing so I have some of our stuff leftover for next fall/winter. All of these things, however, require no new skills. After the first of the year, I may try something I've never done before, like knitting or crocheting (I have crocheted before, but only simple stuff) or some more complicated sewing than curtains or skirts. I have not yet decided what new project I should learn. I have enjoyed cooking, so I might take a class to learn more about specialty culinary arts or something. I could do a little bit of all those things too. Maybe I'll scrap all that and work on writing. Who knows what I'll eventually decide? Many parents, including myself fear losing their personal identity once they have kids. Maybe I'll find a new one I like better. Maybe I'll just add another one I like as much as the "old me" to make me more well-rounded. Either way, I am excited to start getting reacquainted with myself and continue growing as a person and a wife, mother, and homemaker. Here's to the next chapter in my life!
With all that extra free time (?!) I am starting to look for something more. I believe after the middle of the month, I will begin working on Christmas presents and plans. I know that seems early, but everything takes twice as much time when juggling two kids. I never knew it could take me 2 hours to cook a simple dinner or bake a cake, but with Colton's help and Lincoln's distraction, it is the norm now. Plus, sometimes, things that are finished or almost finished either get taken apart or ruined by said help and distraction later in the process. I am also thinking of planting a fall garden in the next week or so, some pumpkins and such.That is to say, I will plant a garden in the spring instead, since I'm pretty sure I'm not going to actually get a garden in the ground in time for fall. It's a nice thought though. With next year's crops, I'd like to do more canning and freezing so I have some of our stuff leftover for next fall/winter. All of these things, however, require no new skills. After the first of the year, I may try something I've never done before, like knitting or crocheting (I have crocheted before, but only simple stuff) or some more complicated sewing than curtains or skirts. I have not yet decided what new project I should learn. I have enjoyed cooking, so I might take a class to learn more about specialty culinary arts or something. I could do a little bit of all those things too. Maybe I'll scrap all that and work on writing. Who knows what I'll eventually decide? Many parents, including myself fear losing their personal identity once they have kids. Maybe I'll find a new one I like better. Maybe I'll just add another one I like as much as the "old me" to make me more well-rounded. Either way, I am excited to start getting reacquainted with myself and continue growing as a person and a wife, mother, and homemaker. Here's to the next chapter in my life!
Monday, June 25, 2012
The Evolution of a Stay At Home Mom
When we think of "Stay At Home Mom," we envision the 1950's woman with the trim waist, perfectly coiffed hair with make-up applied (including lipstick) pushing a vacuum in an immaculate house while her children read on the couch. Secondarily, we may also think of the pioneer woman who is beautiful in a very natural way in her homemade clothes, making soap, butter or kneading bread at her plank-wood table with a stone oven in the background with the children playing with wooden dolls on the floor. What I find interesting in both of these well-accepted visions is the role of the mother and the level of interaction in her children's lives.
In each vision, the mother is engaged in activites other than interacting directly with her children. The assumption is the father in each of these scenarios is out providing for the family in some way, whether hunting for food or earning money to buy it while the mother is supposedly providing instruction for her children. I find it very interesting the perspective we have of our mothers and grandmothers being involved directly and in a quality way in their kid's lives and today's mothers are checked out, more concerned with working out and playing on the computer or phone than being with thier children. However contrarily, we envision these earlier generations of women whom we revere as super-moms engaged in chores, not play, or even instruction of their kids. Why now, do we say mothers are less engaged than mothers used to be? Most of the SAHM's I know set aside some limited time for chores/errands, but are mostly swimming, hiking, coloring or playing pretend with their kids. Others are gardening, taking them to museums or parks or cooking together. Not many of my SAHM friends have perfect houses or even wear make up regularly. We have evolved from the "overseer" of the past to the "playmate" of the present. Please note, I am not referencing those who do not "parent" their children and believe they are friends, but I believe mothers, whether SAHM, WAHM, or working outside the home, are more immediately aware of our children's needs and meeting them more than ever before by being directly invovled. My challenge to myself and all the moms out there is to leave the housework for later, and continue interacting with your kids. Do not feel pressured to work all day on chores to conform to an ideal that didn't exist as we envision it did. Bring on the fun, Mom!
In each vision, the mother is engaged in activites other than interacting directly with her children. The assumption is the father in each of these scenarios is out providing for the family in some way, whether hunting for food or earning money to buy it while the mother is supposedly providing instruction for her children. I find it very interesting the perspective we have of our mothers and grandmothers being involved directly and in a quality way in their kid's lives and today's mothers are checked out, more concerned with working out and playing on the computer or phone than being with thier children. However contrarily, we envision these earlier generations of women whom we revere as super-moms engaged in chores, not play, or even instruction of their kids. Why now, do we say mothers are less engaged than mothers used to be? Most of the SAHM's I know set aside some limited time for chores/errands, but are mostly swimming, hiking, coloring or playing pretend with their kids. Others are gardening, taking them to museums or parks or cooking together. Not many of my SAHM friends have perfect houses or even wear make up regularly. We have evolved from the "overseer" of the past to the "playmate" of the present. Please note, I am not referencing those who do not "parent" their children and believe they are friends, but I believe mothers, whether SAHM, WAHM, or working outside the home, are more immediately aware of our children's needs and meeting them more than ever before by being directly invovled. My challenge to myself and all the moms out there is to leave the housework for later, and continue interacting with your kids. Do not feel pressured to work all day on chores to conform to an ideal that didn't exist as we envision it did. Bring on the fun, Mom!
Mother, O' Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth.
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due,
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek - peekaboo.
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew,
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo.
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.
The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,
But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.
~ Ruth Hulbert Hamilton
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth.
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due,
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek - peekaboo.
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew,
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo.
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.
The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,
But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.
~ Ruth Hulbert Hamilton
A little bit of this, a little bit of that...
In addition to being the mantra for my culinary adventures, "A little bit of this, a little bit of that" is how I live my life. I like to keep things mixed up, but mostly it's a default. Between my husband and kids, I have minimal control over my time. I find myself at the end of the day, standing in a pile of toys with my almost-3-year-old, saying, "What HAVE I done today?"
The answer is simple: A little bit of this, a little bit of that! We eat, we play outside, we play inside, and we interact with the baby and change diapers, call and/or meet up with our friends, do chores, play pretend and read. In the coming months, I will add gardening and crafty-type projects to my repertoire list as well. I enjoy the variety this provides in our lives and will encourage my children to diversify their interests as well.
I hope I'm lucky enough that when I'm 94, I can look around and still answer the age old question of how I spent my day with "A little bit of this and a little bit of that!"
The answer is simple: A little bit of this, a little bit of that! We eat, we play outside, we play inside, and we interact with the baby and change diapers, call and/or meet up with our friends, do chores, play pretend and read. In the coming months, I will add gardening and crafty-type projects to my repertoire list as well. I enjoy the variety this provides in our lives and will encourage my children to diversify their interests as well.
I hope I'm lucky enough that when I'm 94, I can look around and still answer the age old question of how I spent my day with "A little bit of this and a little bit of that!"
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
There is no end...
..to the things you can obsess about when it comes to being a mother. Right now, my current obsession is poop. Yes, you heard me. P.O.O.P. Baby poop, to be exact. You can stop reading now, if you have a weak stomach-Parenting is a messy business.
When Colton was about three months old, he started having stinky, foamy green diapers and really awful gas. He was diagnosed with lactose intolerance. Following the advice of the pediatrician, I was forced to give up all dairy in the hopes of curbing this issue, including that in baked goods. Ok, I gave it up voluntarily, but c'mon-who wouldn't, if it meant their kid would be more comfortable and still have the benefit of breastmilk? I did this for about two months, and it made for a very miserable holiday season for me and made absolutely NO difference for him. Neither did the Culturelle I was dissolving in expressed breastmilk in a dropper and giving to him twice a day-what a pain in the a**. I found out just recently, this results from the baby not getting enough hindmilk during nursing. My body was producing milk that was too thin and/or not triggering multiple let-downs during each nursing session to release the hindmilk I DID have, so he couldn't digest it properly-hence the nasty diapers and gas. It had NOTHING to do with the lactose in my diet. My body would make the lactose for him (more abundant in the fore-milk), whether I consumed it or not. He finally started on solids and bottled breastmilk (all mixed together-no multiple let-downs needed) at night when he was six months old-when I started my job. No WONDER the problem corrected itself then. Duh. Worse-because he was having such trouble, I delayed starting him on solids when he was clearly ready at 4 months so the problem persisted longer than it should have. <enter Mommy guilt-also a favorite obsession of mine.>
A couple of weeks ago, I learned I could possibly have prevented or corrected this by making sure to fully empty each side and not limit nursing time. I made both mistakes with Colton. Too late now, but better late than never. However, with Lincoln, I have not limited his time while nursing, (except the last feeding at night because I work and have to nurse on my 15 minute break and the kid flat-out refuses a bottle in any form) and I have made a conscious effort to empty each side fully. Even with this new knowledge and implementation, Lincoln's diapers turned green about the 3 month mark too. I've managed to keep it at a minimum-yellow green mostly and not nearly as stinky but still thrashing while eating and afterward with constant gas, by being extra-diligent and with constant nursing in multiple positions during the day, but I wonder if my kids truly are just lactose-intolerant. They say it's a very rare diagnosis. Either that, or I just don't produce the quality milk they need or just have inefficient delivery of it after 3 months. Or (on the same vein) they're ready for solids sooner to supplement-Heaven forbid! The pediatrician would have a freakin' coronary if I talked about solids before 6 months-certainly before 4! Or worse-I have to transition to pumping exclusively and force him to take a bottle instead. I hate pumping! Talk about a pain in the a**. This option would probably bring about weaning sooner rather than later, both because my supply will not respond as well with the pump and also just because it's a pain in the a**. (There's that mommy guilt again. Convenience or comfort for a mom!? How dare you speak of it!) Even if I try exclusively pumping first, it'll probably end with formula by the end because of supply issues-if I can even put up with the set-up and clean-up several times a day and discomfort of the pump itself for an extended period of time. The absolute worst would be to have to transition to formula or even just supplementing with formula instead when he won't even take breastmilk from a bottle. The kid'll probably starve first. This is what I mean about obsessing. <cue hand-wringing> Good grief.
Any commiseration and/or suggestions from the peanut gallery are welcome.
When Colton was about three months old, he started having stinky, foamy green diapers and really awful gas. He was diagnosed with lactose intolerance. Following the advice of the pediatrician, I was forced to give up all dairy in the hopes of curbing this issue, including that in baked goods. Ok, I gave it up voluntarily, but c'mon-who wouldn't, if it meant their kid would be more comfortable and still have the benefit of breastmilk? I did this for about two months, and it made for a very miserable holiday season for me and made absolutely NO difference for him. Neither did the Culturelle I was dissolving in expressed breastmilk in a dropper and giving to him twice a day-what a pain in the a**. I found out just recently, this results from the baby not getting enough hindmilk during nursing. My body was producing milk that was too thin and/or not triggering multiple let-downs during each nursing session to release the hindmilk I DID have, so he couldn't digest it properly-hence the nasty diapers and gas. It had NOTHING to do with the lactose in my diet. My body would make the lactose for him (more abundant in the fore-milk), whether I consumed it or not. He finally started on solids and bottled breastmilk (all mixed together-no multiple let-downs needed) at night when he was six months old-when I started my job. No WONDER the problem corrected itself then. Duh. Worse-because he was having such trouble, I delayed starting him on solids when he was clearly ready at 4 months so the problem persisted longer than it should have. <enter Mommy guilt-also a favorite obsession of mine.>
A couple of weeks ago, I learned I could possibly have prevented or corrected this by making sure to fully empty each side and not limit nursing time. I made both mistakes with Colton. Too late now, but better late than never. However, with Lincoln, I have not limited his time while nursing, (except the last feeding at night because I work and have to nurse on my 15 minute break and the kid flat-out refuses a bottle in any form) and I have made a conscious effort to empty each side fully. Even with this new knowledge and implementation, Lincoln's diapers turned green about the 3 month mark too. I've managed to keep it at a minimum-yellow green mostly and not nearly as stinky but still thrashing while eating and afterward with constant gas, by being extra-diligent and with constant nursing in multiple positions during the day, but I wonder if my kids truly are just lactose-intolerant. They say it's a very rare diagnosis. Either that, or I just don't produce the quality milk they need or just have inefficient delivery of it after 3 months. Or (on the same vein) they're ready for solids sooner to supplement-Heaven forbid! The pediatrician would have a freakin' coronary if I talked about solids before 6 months-certainly before 4! Or worse-I have to transition to pumping exclusively and force him to take a bottle instead. I hate pumping! Talk about a pain in the a**. This option would probably bring about weaning sooner rather than later, both because my supply will not respond as well with the pump and also just because it's a pain in the a**. (There's that mommy guilt again. Convenience or comfort for a mom!? How dare you speak of it!) Even if I try exclusively pumping first, it'll probably end with formula by the end because of supply issues-if I can even put up with the set-up and clean-up several times a day and discomfort of the pump itself for an extended period of time. The absolute worst would be to have to transition to formula or even just supplementing with formula instead when he won't even take breastmilk from a bottle. The kid'll probably starve first. This is what I mean about obsessing. <cue hand-wringing> Good grief.
Any commiseration and/or suggestions from the peanut gallery are welcome.
Everything I needed to know, I learned from my kids
So the original intent of this list was to make a serious compilation of things I've learned about parenting and myself through interacting with my kids, marked by introspect and reflection. Y'all know me better than that, so I'll just skip to the list, mmk? Here goes.
1. Tantrum-throwing will get you what you want-in a HURRY. The more crowded the venue and plentiful the audience-the better and faster the result. Look out though-sometimes the punishment is deferred to after we leave. yikes.
2. Hugs and kisses will get you out of almost any jam. Smiles and hand-holding work good too.
3. Distraction will deflect any potential lash-back from a recently-discovered infraction. Ooh, Look at that! An Airplane, a flower, a bug, you've forgotten to punish me now, right??
4. It's ok to have a stuffed animal as your best friend. They don't take your toys away or push or bite or smother you with attention when you don't want it. They're just right.
5. If I say your name enough times, you'll pay attention to me in the way I want, not in an angry way.This also applies to asking for something. If I ask enough times, you may change your mind or fulfill my request faster. No? That's NOT true?? Well, maybe it'll be true in about 10 seconds. How 'bout now? Mama? Ma..AAAAAAAAARGH!
6. I can play by myself as long as there is an illusion you are playing with me or watching me. When that stops, all bets are off. For example, I can play with playdoh for 45 minutes with not a lot of interaction with you-just sitting at the table with me while paying bills, answering emails, or just trolling FB on your phone. However, as soon as you answer a phone call, I will DEMAND your undivided attention. Immediately. See #5.
7. There is no better sound in the whole wide world than a baby's laugh-except maybe the two year old AND the baby laughing together. Yep, that's better.
8. It's ok to get up at dawn and nap at 8am. Who cares if other people think it's weird. What-EV-er. (said in Colton's two-year-old voice with a gutteral stop on the 't'-cute here, but highly annoying when applied to something I've said to him.)
9. Bugs are yucky, and we don't eat dirt!
10. "Mama, you love me always?" Yes, son. Always.
1. Tantrum-throwing will get you what you want-in a HURRY. The more crowded the venue and plentiful the audience-the better and faster the result. Look out though-sometimes the punishment is deferred to after we leave. yikes.
2. Hugs and kisses will get you out of almost any jam. Smiles and hand-holding work good too.
3. Distraction will deflect any potential lash-back from a recently-discovered infraction. Ooh, Look at that! An Airplane, a flower, a bug, you've forgotten to punish me now, right??
4. It's ok to have a stuffed animal as your best friend. They don't take your toys away or push or bite or smother you with attention when you don't want it. They're just right.
5. If I say your name enough times, you'll pay attention to me in the way I want, not in an angry way.This also applies to asking for something. If I ask enough times, you may change your mind or fulfill my request faster. No? That's NOT true?? Well, maybe it'll be true in about 10 seconds. How 'bout now? Mama? Ma..AAAAAAAAARGH!
6. I can play by myself as long as there is an illusion you are playing with me or watching me. When that stops, all bets are off. For example, I can play with playdoh for 45 minutes with not a lot of interaction with you-just sitting at the table with me while paying bills, answering emails, or just trolling FB on your phone. However, as soon as you answer a phone call, I will DEMAND your undivided attention. Immediately. See #5.
7. There is no better sound in the whole wide world than a baby's laugh-except maybe the two year old AND the baby laughing together. Yep, that's better.
8. It's ok to get up at dawn and nap at 8am. Who cares if other people think it's weird. What-EV-er. (said in Colton's two-year-old voice with a gutteral stop on the 't'-cute here, but highly annoying when applied to something I've said to him.)
9. Bugs are yucky, and we don't eat dirt!
10. "Mama, you love me always?" Yes, son. Always.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Follow up to previous post regarding healthy lifestyle
Ok. So. It's been just over 4 weeks since I posted my resolve to manage a healthier lifestyle. I chronicled my food for about a week and half. I had grand visions of being pleasantly surprised by how well I was eating and not having to modify much. Sadly, I was greatly disappointed. I eat really bad food on a regular basis. So much so, I'm embarrassed to post it. Suffice it to say, I should stop eating like this so I don't balloon when I quit nursing. Yikes. I did marginally better on my activity level. I did manage some sort of cardio a couple of days/wk, and yoga twice or three times/ wk. That said, it was done via DVD in my living room and therefore, the quality may be lacking. In addition, I have counted the physical activities I did with Colton on the weekends. Hey-he'd run me ragged if I let him-it most certainly counts!
I have many excuses for my lack of follow thru. These include the work transition was very difficult transition with much new information, the baby won't take a bottle so I was juggling nursing and work at night, the baby won't consistently sleep thru the night so I was operating on only a few hours of sleep most of the time....see told ya. It boils down to the fact that I know I need to change things, but don't really want to give up my precious down time and my sugar addiction.
Taking this into account-I have decided to back off and focus on one area at a time. I will drop the food aspect for now, and I will add physical activity to my routine 5 times/wk. These need to be cardio only-walking, running (HA!), DVD aerobics, etc. Any yoga I am able to squeeze in will be a bonus. Starting in June, Colton goes back to only 3 days/week daycare so I will have some more motivation. He really keeps me moving. Plus, he likes to do yoga with me. He thinks it's fun. He's also been bugging the crap out of me to take him swimming. Does anybody have a pool we can come over and swim in so I don't have to teach him to swim in the chaos of a public pool and I can leave the baby in the shade or inside napping while I do??? <waggling eyebrows, cheshire-cat grin> Anybody?? Bueller??
Ok. Anyhow. Moving on.
Hopefully, this new modification will make this transition livable. Here's to a new start!
I have many excuses for my lack of follow thru. These include the work transition was very difficult transition with much new information, the baby won't take a bottle so I was juggling nursing and work at night, the baby won't consistently sleep thru the night so I was operating on only a few hours of sleep most of the time....see told ya. It boils down to the fact that I know I need to change things, but don't really want to give up my precious down time and my sugar addiction.
Taking this into account-I have decided to back off and focus on one area at a time. I will drop the food aspect for now, and I will add physical activity to my routine 5 times/wk. These need to be cardio only-walking, running (HA!), DVD aerobics, etc. Any yoga I am able to squeeze in will be a bonus. Starting in June, Colton goes back to only 3 days/week daycare so I will have some more motivation. He really keeps me moving. Plus, he likes to do yoga with me. He thinks it's fun. He's also been bugging the crap out of me to take him swimming. Does anybody have a pool we can come over and swim in so I don't have to teach him to swim in the chaos of a public pool and I can leave the baby in the shade or inside napping while I do??? <waggling eyebrows, cheshire-cat grin> Anybody?? Bueller??
Ok. Anyhow. Moving on.
Hopefully, this new modification will make this transition livable. Here's to a new start!
Monday, April 23, 2012
As I return to work, I am forced to make the most of my time and energy. To do that, I need to change some things in my life-namely my 1/3 pkg per day cookie habit. In an effort to live a healthier lifestyle, I have decided to start a food/exercise journal. I am writing this post to make myself accountable for this committment to my health.
Here is my committment:
I shall be responsible for the choices I make. (no excuses)
I shall be accountible for the choices I make. (no lying or omissions)
I shall celebrate my successes with non-food-related rewards. (no eating a whole pkg of peanut butter cups cuz I worked out for an hour)
Each day, I will chronicle the food I eat and what physical activity I perform. At the end of the week, I will decide on what reward I am entitled to. If I was really bad, I may reinforce this with increased activity the next week. I am not really very good at enforcing dietary restrictions such as 'only eat 15 gr of sugar' or '20 gr of carbs' or, worse, 'NO carbs or sugar'. Yikes! If you want to see me cranky, restrictions like that are the fast track to that end. Not to mention, those restrictions will force me to quit this resolution post-haste. At this point, I am only trying to eat less candy/junk. As I improve, I may restrict certain things, but for now, I am interested in eating balanced meals, better snacks and adding physical activity to my daily routine. I am not interested in weight loss or muscle tone necessarily although it will probably be a natural consequence. I hope this will help increase my energy, manage stress and sleep better. My motivation is not completely selfish either as this will be good for the baby and set a good example for my two year old as well. I may not be successful every day, but I will take it one day, one meal, at a time and will be honest with my readers and myself. If any of you would like to join me on this journey, I welcome the company.
Here's to health!
Here is my committment:
I shall be responsible for the choices I make. (no excuses)
I shall be accountible for the choices I make. (no lying or omissions)
I shall celebrate my successes with non-food-related rewards. (no eating a whole pkg of peanut butter cups cuz I worked out for an hour)
Each day, I will chronicle the food I eat and what physical activity I perform. At the end of the week, I will decide on what reward I am entitled to. If I was really bad, I may reinforce this with increased activity the next week. I am not really very good at enforcing dietary restrictions such as 'only eat 15 gr of sugar' or '20 gr of carbs' or, worse, 'NO carbs or sugar'. Yikes! If you want to see me cranky, restrictions like that are the fast track to that end. Not to mention, those restrictions will force me to quit this resolution post-haste. At this point, I am only trying to eat less candy/junk. As I improve, I may restrict certain things, but for now, I am interested in eating balanced meals, better snacks and adding physical activity to my daily routine. I am not interested in weight loss or muscle tone necessarily although it will probably be a natural consequence. I hope this will help increase my energy, manage stress and sleep better. My motivation is not completely selfish either as this will be good for the baby and set a good example for my two year old as well. I may not be successful every day, but I will take it one day, one meal, at a time and will be honest with my readers and myself. If any of you would like to join me on this journey, I welcome the company.
Here's to health!
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Chapter 3-bet you thought I forgot about this, didn't you??
Ramey's meeting with her client went about as well as expected. She delivered the photos, and the client delivered her righteous indignation and tears. Dealing with people directly was definitely the hardest part of her job. That even took into account those times she had to chase her marks or, worse, when she was in actual danger while investigating. After the meeting, she had a few loose ends to tie up with another case she was working and finished up the paperwork on this most recent one. Ramey was very glad she would not be visiting that motel for a while. It was so seedy, her skin would crawl without even entering the room. She shuddered thinking about it and rubbed the invisible bugs off her arms.
On the way home, she stopped off at the bank to deposit the cashier's check she collected at her morning meeting. While she was steadily decreasing the balance of that check against a stack of bills, the phone rang.
"Ramey, it's James." Good grief. "I feel really bad about this morning. I didn't mean to creep you out. I hope you know I had the best intentions."
This was the first inkling of insecurity she'd seen from him. "It's ok, really. It's kind of flattering, if you can disregard the creep factor. Just don't do that again. If you want to see me, just ask."
"Ok. Can I see you again? Soon?"
"That would be ok, I think." She smiled. "I'd like to see you again too. I wouldn't want you to think of me as you saw me this morning, anyway-all sweaty."
"Hmm," he purred. "I have a meeting tonight with a firm, but how about tomorrow night, say, 7ish?"
"That's fine with me. I just wrapped up the case I was working on. It would be a nice way to celebrate."
"See you then. Goodbye, Ramey," and he disconnected. His voice was just as sexy over the phone. There was that warm and tingly feeling again. She could really get used to this. The anticipation was lovely and nerve-wracking all at the same time.
She shook off the flush that colored her face and fnished the task at hand. She was throwing away the invoices and putting away the checkbook when the phone rang again.
"Ramey, it's Ray Samson." Ray was a good friend of hers who also happened to be on the police force, senior detective, specifically.
"Ray! It's good to hear from you. Is this a social call or a professional one?"
"Well, a little bit of both. I wish I had more time for pleasantries, but I actually need your help."
"Whatever I can help you with, I'm happy to do it, Ray."
"Great. I knew I could count on you. I have a certain business man I need you to keep an eye on for me. You don't have to do anything but observe and report. I'm sending you a pic of the business man now."
"Aw, Ray. You always take the fun out of things." She laughed. "Of course I can do that for you."
"Good. He will be at the Duck and Clam Club tomorrow for happy hour. I need a visual on who he is meeting there to match a face with an alias. I think the mark is involved in a case I'm working."
"Sure thing, Ray. I'll send you what I get."
"Great. Thanks again, Rame. Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Ray." She hung up the phone and stared at it like it was a foreign object. Ray was a very attractive man, and he had been more than a friend at one time. Neither he nor Ramey could make time for the other, so they eventually stopped expecting each other to be available and stopped asking. She remembered the way he breathed her name and the smell of his soap and closed her eyes just for a moment. When she opened them, she was back in her own house, with only the smell of last night's tv dinner and Rotti, who was staring at her with his head cocked to one side.
"Forget it, Rotti. I've lost my mind completely, I think. Either that, or I'm getting desperate. It's time for a nap. Last night is catching up to me." She walked out of the room, shedding clothes as she went. She was asleep as soon as she hit the pillow.
When she woke, the afternoon was well on its way to evening. The nap refreshed her, and she decided it was time to take a walk. She grabbed the leash and she and Rotti set out to see what interesting things they could see and smell. As she walked, she thought about tomorrow's assignment for Ray. She wondered who the business man was and who the mark was. She'd forgotten to check her email for the picture Ray sent. She put that on her mental to-do list for later. The rest of the walk was occupied with thoughts of Ray and their previous relationship. Those thoughts were best confined to very strict daytime parameters. On the way home, she picked up dinner. She just couldn't stomach tv dinners two nights in a row.
When she finally opened her email, the picture in her inbox almost caused Ramey to choke on her meal. Those dreamy green eyes she had been lost in were staring at her from the computer screen. "What the...." she breathed. "Just who are you hanging out with, James?" She reminded herself he was merely meeting a client. That's what businessmen do. Since when did she justify others' behavior. What was happening to her, Ramey mused. Well, at least she would have no trouble identifying the businessman in the bar. When in doubt, humor has always come to her rescue. This would definitely make her social life more complicated. She ended the evening torn between remembering the warm fuzzy feelings and trying to figure out why she even bothered trying to have a love life at all.
On the way home, she stopped off at the bank to deposit the cashier's check she collected at her morning meeting. While she was steadily decreasing the balance of that check against a stack of bills, the phone rang.
"Ramey, it's James." Good grief. "I feel really bad about this morning. I didn't mean to creep you out. I hope you know I had the best intentions."
This was the first inkling of insecurity she'd seen from him. "It's ok, really. It's kind of flattering, if you can disregard the creep factor. Just don't do that again. If you want to see me, just ask."
"Ok. Can I see you again? Soon?"
"That would be ok, I think." She smiled. "I'd like to see you again too. I wouldn't want you to think of me as you saw me this morning, anyway-all sweaty."
"Hmm," he purred. "I have a meeting tonight with a firm, but how about tomorrow night, say, 7ish?"
"That's fine with me. I just wrapped up the case I was working on. It would be a nice way to celebrate."
"See you then. Goodbye, Ramey," and he disconnected. His voice was just as sexy over the phone. There was that warm and tingly feeling again. She could really get used to this. The anticipation was lovely and nerve-wracking all at the same time.
She shook off the flush that colored her face and fnished the task at hand. She was throwing away the invoices and putting away the checkbook when the phone rang again.
"Ramey, it's Ray Samson." Ray was a good friend of hers who also happened to be on the police force, senior detective, specifically.
"Ray! It's good to hear from you. Is this a social call or a professional one?"
"Well, a little bit of both. I wish I had more time for pleasantries, but I actually need your help."
"Whatever I can help you with, I'm happy to do it, Ray."
"Great. I knew I could count on you. I have a certain business man I need you to keep an eye on for me. You don't have to do anything but observe and report. I'm sending you a pic of the business man now."
"Aw, Ray. You always take the fun out of things." She laughed. "Of course I can do that for you."
"Good. He will be at the Duck and Clam Club tomorrow for happy hour. I need a visual on who he is meeting there to match a face with an alias. I think the mark is involved in a case I'm working."
"Sure thing, Ray. I'll send you what I get."
"Great. Thanks again, Rame. Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Ray." She hung up the phone and stared at it like it was a foreign object. Ray was a very attractive man, and he had been more than a friend at one time. Neither he nor Ramey could make time for the other, so they eventually stopped expecting each other to be available and stopped asking. She remembered the way he breathed her name and the smell of his soap and closed her eyes just for a moment. When she opened them, she was back in her own house, with only the smell of last night's tv dinner and Rotti, who was staring at her with his head cocked to one side.
"Forget it, Rotti. I've lost my mind completely, I think. Either that, or I'm getting desperate. It's time for a nap. Last night is catching up to me." She walked out of the room, shedding clothes as she went. She was asleep as soon as she hit the pillow.
When she woke, the afternoon was well on its way to evening. The nap refreshed her, and she decided it was time to take a walk. She grabbed the leash and she and Rotti set out to see what interesting things they could see and smell. As she walked, she thought about tomorrow's assignment for Ray. She wondered who the business man was and who the mark was. She'd forgotten to check her email for the picture Ray sent. She put that on her mental to-do list for later. The rest of the walk was occupied with thoughts of Ray and their previous relationship. Those thoughts were best confined to very strict daytime parameters. On the way home, she picked up dinner. She just couldn't stomach tv dinners two nights in a row.
When she finally opened her email, the picture in her inbox almost caused Ramey to choke on her meal. Those dreamy green eyes she had been lost in were staring at her from the computer screen. "What the...." she breathed. "Just who are you hanging out with, James?" She reminded herself he was merely meeting a client. That's what businessmen do. Since when did she justify others' behavior. What was happening to her, Ramey mused. Well, at least she would have no trouble identifying the businessman in the bar. When in doubt, humor has always come to her rescue. This would definitely make her social life more complicated. She ended the evening torn between remembering the warm fuzzy feelings and trying to figure out why she even bothered trying to have a love life at all.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Reflections on parenting-take 2
Before I gave birth to Lincoln, I was apprehensive about parenting two children at once. I am an only child and have no idea what to do with more than 1 kid at a time. The only training I have in my 'toolbox' is my classroom management training. However, that was geared toward middle school and high school students, not infant - pre-K. Amazingly enough, it has been easier than I thought. I have learned to work the baby's schedule around my existing schedule for Colton. So far, it's worked out pretty good. I have learned a few things along the way in the first two weeks. Here are some things I'd like to mention, as well as the new knowledge I've accumulated.
1. First and foremost, I'd like to thank everyone for their generosity when it came to helping us acquire clothing for our surprise arrival of a boy instead of a girl. All of our friends and family have given us so much and have been so supportive-it's incredible! THANK YOU!
2. In the same vein, there is no possible way to describe the feeling you have when you've just given birth to what you thought was a beautiful baby girl, only to be told he's a bouncing baby boy. It's a mixture of joy and excitement for a healthy baby and just to be done with pregnancy and on to the next step where you actually get to see that baby, combined with a feeling of confusion, dread and apprehension for the things you now need to purchase and frustration for all the time you spent on prepping for a girl, only to have to re-do it all when you get home. That is in addition to the responsibility of how to explain the difference to my two-year old. The months we spent creating a bond with the new baby had to be re-vamped to fit a boy instead of a girl. He was confused for a while-I even catch myself calling the baby Heidi or referring to him as "her" without thinking. Yikes.
3. With Colton, I was so concerned with the big picture and sleep training and doing everything correctly. With Lincoln, I find myself focusing on him, without spending so much time obsessing about details and other things that don't need to come until later. Part of that is probably due to the fact that I don't have time or energy to focus past the end of the week, but I recognize the difference in my attitude toward the 'baby-ness' of Lincoln vs. Colton. I am able to enjoy Lincoln's first days a lot more than I did with Colton. Less pain and discomfort certainly helps too.
4. The best invention ever is Clorox 2. I was able to make it thru the first week with very few outfits that fit because the stains actually came out! :) I did not have this knowledge when Colton was small. Those yellow stains are stubborn!
5. Before I gave birth, I had no idea how I was going to do it all. I thought I was already at the end of my rope. Since then, I have found reserves of patience I didn't know I had. I'm actually proud of myself and what I've been able to accomplish since Lincoln was born. I'm better at this parenting/wifing thing than I thought. :)
6. I also had no idea how I would be able to love 2 children. I was worried I would feel I was neglecting 1 to care for the other. In fact, I feel the opposite. When I care for 1, I feel like I'm doing well at caring for both. Each of my kids has a special place in my heart and I try very hard to make it clear to each of them-especially Colton.
7. Colton has surprised me at how much he has bonded with his baby brother. I was afraid that when the baby turned out to be a boy, and we'd cultivated a relationship with a girl during the pregnancy, he would be confused and not be able to bond with Lincoln. However, that has most definitely not been the case. He asks to hold him, treats him gently and is super helpful-handing toys, blankets, pacifiers, etc. Colton tells others (perfect strangers sometimes), "That's my baby brother!" It's so cute! Every time he's so sweet to his brother, my heart swells and I love him even more.
8. This is going to cause some backlash, especially because I was so against it when I had Colton, but I have discovered co-sleeping is not the devil. When Colton was small, he slept 5 hours at a time-even in the hospital. There was no getting up to feed him at night because he didn't ask. Five hours was enough sleep for me. Lincoln sleeps only 2 or 3 hours at a time. Therefore, if I can roll over and doze while I nurse him at night, then, I'm all for it. I, my husband, and Colton are grateful (even if they don't know it) that I can get enough sleep at night, and my infant gets to eat when he wants. In my defense, I don't do it every night and I DO worry about it--it will only last until he sleeps 4 or 5 hours in a stretch, but maternal sleep is a limited commodity and a necessary one.
9. Each child is so different. Colton has always been an independent child. He never liked swaddling or cuddling. Lincoln needs contact with me. He has trouble putting himself to sleep too. He requires a lot more from me than Colton ever did. Colton had no trouble adjusting to Daddy helping and holding him, even as an infant. Lincoln won't have anybody but me. I wonder if that'll change anytime soon, or if he'll always need me specifically.
10. There are things about having two kids I don't think I'll ever figure out. First, is how to handle grocery shopping with both-Colton cannot sit in the basket with the carseat in the seat because he will squish and/or open all my groceries because he's so curious. I will probably have to take the baby in the front carrier and put Colton in the seat. Second is how to find time for myself. I already had trouble with that before I had Lincoln, but when I go back to work, it's going to be downright impossible. Babysitters cost an arm and a leg and I'm not comfortable leaving an infant with just anyone. Forget about date night. That has happened very few times since we had Colton, even. I'm sure there's more things I will have to figure out, but that's all I can think of right now. This may become its own list in the future. :)
I have roughly half an hour to eat lunch before Gremlin wakes up, so I should cut this short. I apologize this list is not as funny as most of my 'reflections'. Humor has been hard to come by on so little sleep. I hope the next list will be better. :) Happy Monday!
1. First and foremost, I'd like to thank everyone for their generosity when it came to helping us acquire clothing for our surprise arrival of a boy instead of a girl. All of our friends and family have given us so much and have been so supportive-it's incredible! THANK YOU!
2. In the same vein, there is no possible way to describe the feeling you have when you've just given birth to what you thought was a beautiful baby girl, only to be told he's a bouncing baby boy. It's a mixture of joy and excitement for a healthy baby and just to be done with pregnancy and on to the next step where you actually get to see that baby, combined with a feeling of confusion, dread and apprehension for the things you now need to purchase and frustration for all the time you spent on prepping for a girl, only to have to re-do it all when you get home. That is in addition to the responsibility of how to explain the difference to my two-year old. The months we spent creating a bond with the new baby had to be re-vamped to fit a boy instead of a girl. He was confused for a while-I even catch myself calling the baby Heidi or referring to him as "her" without thinking. Yikes.
3. With Colton, I was so concerned with the big picture and sleep training and doing everything correctly. With Lincoln, I find myself focusing on him, without spending so much time obsessing about details and other things that don't need to come until later. Part of that is probably due to the fact that I don't have time or energy to focus past the end of the week, but I recognize the difference in my attitude toward the 'baby-ness' of Lincoln vs. Colton. I am able to enjoy Lincoln's first days a lot more than I did with Colton. Less pain and discomfort certainly helps too.
4. The best invention ever is Clorox 2. I was able to make it thru the first week with very few outfits that fit because the stains actually came out! :) I did not have this knowledge when Colton was small. Those yellow stains are stubborn!
5. Before I gave birth, I had no idea how I was going to do it all. I thought I was already at the end of my rope. Since then, I have found reserves of patience I didn't know I had. I'm actually proud of myself and what I've been able to accomplish since Lincoln was born. I'm better at this parenting/wifing thing than I thought. :)
6. I also had no idea how I would be able to love 2 children. I was worried I would feel I was neglecting 1 to care for the other. In fact, I feel the opposite. When I care for 1, I feel like I'm doing well at caring for both. Each of my kids has a special place in my heart and I try very hard to make it clear to each of them-especially Colton.
7. Colton has surprised me at how much he has bonded with his baby brother. I was afraid that when the baby turned out to be a boy, and we'd cultivated a relationship with a girl during the pregnancy, he would be confused and not be able to bond with Lincoln. However, that has most definitely not been the case. He asks to hold him, treats him gently and is super helpful-handing toys, blankets, pacifiers, etc. Colton tells others (perfect strangers sometimes), "That's my baby brother!" It's so cute! Every time he's so sweet to his brother, my heart swells and I love him even more.
8. This is going to cause some backlash, especially because I was so against it when I had Colton, but I have discovered co-sleeping is not the devil. When Colton was small, he slept 5 hours at a time-even in the hospital. There was no getting up to feed him at night because he didn't ask. Five hours was enough sleep for me. Lincoln sleeps only 2 or 3 hours at a time. Therefore, if I can roll over and doze while I nurse him at night, then, I'm all for it. I, my husband, and Colton are grateful (even if they don't know it) that I can get enough sleep at night, and my infant gets to eat when he wants. In my defense, I don't do it every night and I DO worry about it--it will only last until he sleeps 4 or 5 hours in a stretch, but maternal sleep is a limited commodity and a necessary one.
9. Each child is so different. Colton has always been an independent child. He never liked swaddling or cuddling. Lincoln needs contact with me. He has trouble putting himself to sleep too. He requires a lot more from me than Colton ever did. Colton had no trouble adjusting to Daddy helping and holding him, even as an infant. Lincoln won't have anybody but me. I wonder if that'll change anytime soon, or if he'll always need me specifically.
10. There are things about having two kids I don't think I'll ever figure out. First, is how to handle grocery shopping with both-Colton cannot sit in the basket with the carseat in the seat because he will squish and/or open all my groceries because he's so curious. I will probably have to take the baby in the front carrier and put Colton in the seat. Second is how to find time for myself. I already had trouble with that before I had Lincoln, but when I go back to work, it's going to be downright impossible. Babysitters cost an arm and a leg and I'm not comfortable leaving an infant with just anyone. Forget about date night. That has happened very few times since we had Colton, even. I'm sure there's more things I will have to figure out, but that's all I can think of right now. This may become its own list in the future. :)
I have roughly half an hour to eat lunch before Gremlin wakes up, so I should cut this short. I apologize this list is not as funny as most of my 'reflections'. Humor has been hard to come by on so little sleep. I hope the next list will be better. :) Happy Monday!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Lincoln's birth story-possible TMI alert, but I tried to keep it clean. Childbirth and raising is not for the faint of heart or weak of stomach!
We have finally reached the end of my pregnancy and embarked on the next leg of our journey of parenthood. We were beginning to think this day would never arrive! On February 10th, after 41 weeks and 5 days, we welcomed the newest addition to our family, Lincoln Hawke Strosser. Up until the moment he arrived, we thought he was Heidi Claire Strosser.
We made the decision to induce labor, since I was almost 42 weeks and had on and off contractions for 3 weeks and was only about 2 cm dilated, soft and had all the signs of labor, including excruciating back pain. The contractions would be strong and regular for a few hours and then just stop. It was so frustrating. I was so tired and not feeling well at all, but I chalked it up to just being antsy about being overdue and having "almost labor" for almost a month. I checked into the same hospital where I delivered Colton on Thursday night with no contractions for more than a day and was told I would receive 3 doses of ripener. Then, if nothing happened by 10am, they'd let me eat and shower and then they'd start the pitocin. They gave me the first dose of the ripener (I can't remember the name, but it is an alternative to Cervadil) at 11pm. At 3am, they gave me the second dose. By 4 am, my contractions had started on their own. By 5, the contractions were strong and they gave me Fentanyl to manage the pain. Side note: I don't think I'll take that again-I was LOOPY! It's an opiate and I was completely out of it for a while-NO likey! That worked for about an hour. The baby started having trouble with my contractions-pulse dropping and generally experiencing distress. I had to lay on my side and that seemed to help some, but he was still having trouble with the strong ones. Colton had this problem too-even without the Fentanyl, so I wasn't too worried. By 730, I was in transition and they gave me the epidural by 745am. From there, it was a mad dash to delivery. Everything progressed so much faster than any of us expected, the midwife and nurses included. I'm pretty sure they had decided that since (s)he was so high when I checked in, nothing would happen on its own before the pitocin the next day. Obviously, (s)he dropped-quickly. By 9, I was pushing. The midwife told me to keep pushing, regardless of contractions. After the 3rd push, at 9:07am, I had an 8 pound baby. It was amazing, considering I pushed for 2 hours with my first son, after laboring down for the 3 hours before. At the time, I had no idea what kind of distress the baby was in. Afterward, the Nurse Midwife told me they did not wait for contractions to have me push because (s)he was in trouble. My placenta had already started to disintegrate and separate from the uterine wall. There was no fluid to speak of anymore either. When they threaded the epidural, the midwife broke the sac-nothing came out. After birth, they gave him to me to hold for about 30 seconds and then whisked him away to clean him up and empty him of all the blood he'd taken in (mine, not his). This was a disappointment because I was able to nurse my first son and held him for an hour or more before I had to release him to get him cleaned up. I'm so glad they didn't tell me about all the issues with Lincoln until after they determined he was fine. I would have been a basketcase during labor. I'm also glad we didn't wait any longer than we did to induce labor.
On a less serious note, when he came out, my mother said, "Omigosh, it's a boy!" I thought she was joking, and told her that wasn't funny. Clinton replied with, "She's not joking!" My first thought, as I struggled to sit up and see for myself, was, 'well, I hope he likes pink!' As it turns out, the sonogram tech that did my gender analysis had mis-identified 5 other babies in the month-we were number 6, according to the nurses in the room. Interesting, considering that ultrasound was the most expensive of all the ones that we had done. During that ultrasound, we asked her to describe WHY it was a girl, and she went into detail about what she saw that showed her it was a girl-it wasn't just the lack of visible evidence of a boy. Now, I'm not sure what we were looking at, but it obviously wasn't what she said we were looking at. We had about 6 ultrasounds during my pregnancy, but no one caught it or said anything. In the others' defense, the other ultrasounds were not looking for gender, but still, you'd think someone would have seen something fishy. Nope. Not one. After it warms up, I can use Colton's clothes for him, but since he was born in July, I didn't have any tiny cold-weather clothes. Thankfully, our friends and family have graciously helped us clothe our boy like a boy, so he didn't have to go home in a pink onesie with a frilly pink hat.
With a different gender, we had to come up with a new name. With Colton, Clinton picked his first name, and I picked his middle name. With Lincoln, it was reversed. I picked Lincoln, and Clinton's contribution was Hawke. It's quite a name for a tiny little boy. Hopefully, he'll appreciate it as he gets older. With any luck, he'll grow into it well. :)
Lincoln has certainly kept us on our toes. He had a minor blood sugar issue the first day, so they had me supplementing my nursing feedings with formula. After 3 good blood glucose readings with that method, they let me drop the formula. That was a blessing and also a curse. After I dropped the formula, they made me feed him every 2 hours-no more sleeping for me! Now, though, he's doing fine. He eats about every 2 hours during the day, and I've stretched it to 3-4 hours during the night for the last 2 nights, and it seems to be good for us both. I have finally slept more than 30 minutes in a stretch, and I feel great. He's responding normally and has finally started having BM's on a regular basis*. *(funny story on that later) On that same vein, I feel wonderful after this birth. With my first, I was saddle sore and swollen enough to have trouble sitting for over a week. I had 8 stitches and could hardly get up out of the bed for several days. This time, I had virtually no swelling (with the exception of my feet), and only 2 stitches. I am barely sore at all and have almost no significant bleeding. That's good too, considering they told me I was borderline anemic when I left the hospital. A week later, I feel normal, if a little squishy around the middle. I am also not the emotional wreck I was after Colton. I feel like I have a much better handle on this baby thing than the first time. Nursing is going well. It's been a week and the pain is receding and my supply is mostly regulated. That's also a blessing. Those first few days are ROUGH!
Colton has been an absolute angel with Lincoln. He hands the baby his toys and is eager to help fetch things for the baby and me. He told me last night when I was tucking him in, "Mama, what's that? (pointing to my belly). I told him, "That's my belly." He said, "It's big." I replied, telling him it's smaller than it was. He thought about it for a sec and said, "Baby Heidi didn't come. Baby Lincoln came out your belly instead." HALLELUJAH, HE GETS IT! :) Now, he talks constantly about his "baby brudder". It's so cute! Clinton has been an angel as well. He is very solicitous and helpful and has virtually taken over care of Colton so that I can rest between feedings of the baby. It's been wonderful! He told me yesterday he was so proud of me and what a good mom I am, and that I deserved a medal every day for it. I almost cried! True or not, it was just what an overtired dairy cow needed to hear! :)
Lincoln is such a happy baby-just like Colton. He very rarely cries, and is easily consoled when he does. Food and a clean diaper are all he really needs. He sleeps well as long as he is touching me. We'll work on sleeping in the crib later. We've got time. :) I plan to enjoy this baby more than I did Colton's early days. I didn't understand how sweet it is and how fast it is gone. I do now. Every day is a blessing with each of my children. I love both their hugs and kisses and cherish the conversations I have with each-even if one can't respond with words yet.
* Funny poop story (do not read if queasy):
We went to the pediatrician on Tuesday and decided to stop for coffee/breakfast at McDonald's on the way home. During the course of our meal, Lincoln had his first BM since before leaving the hospital on Sunday. I decided since we were going to Clint's work afterward to get his check, to change the diaper at McD's as they have changing tables in their bathrooms, in case anyone would want to see the baby. I should have just left it till we got home. It was awful-green/black, sticky and everywhere! I did not bring an extra outfit because I had forgotten this aspect of infant-dom. I will not forget again. The under-onsie caught the mess that left the diaper, so the outside layer was still "clean" and, therefore, reusable. Thank God for small miracles. However, when I took the onsie off, it dragged the mess all the way up his body. There were no paper towels in the bathroom at all. I ended up sacrificing the under-onsie to finish cleaning up the mess on the changing table after I bathed him in the sink (Did I mention we were at a food-service establishment??). Of course, he screeched the entire time. I'm sure people thought I was doing something awful in there. I swear it took about half an hour. I have now officially been "that mother." Sheesh.
We made the decision to induce labor, since I was almost 42 weeks and had on and off contractions for 3 weeks and was only about 2 cm dilated, soft and had all the signs of labor, including excruciating back pain. The contractions would be strong and regular for a few hours and then just stop. It was so frustrating. I was so tired and not feeling well at all, but I chalked it up to just being antsy about being overdue and having "almost labor" for almost a month. I checked into the same hospital where I delivered Colton on Thursday night with no contractions for more than a day and was told I would receive 3 doses of ripener. Then, if nothing happened by 10am, they'd let me eat and shower and then they'd start the pitocin. They gave me the first dose of the ripener (I can't remember the name, but it is an alternative to Cervadil) at 11pm. At 3am, they gave me the second dose. By 4 am, my contractions had started on their own. By 5, the contractions were strong and they gave me Fentanyl to manage the pain. Side note: I don't think I'll take that again-I was LOOPY! It's an opiate and I was completely out of it for a while-NO likey! That worked for about an hour. The baby started having trouble with my contractions-pulse dropping and generally experiencing distress. I had to lay on my side and that seemed to help some, but he was still having trouble with the strong ones. Colton had this problem too-even without the Fentanyl, so I wasn't too worried. By 730, I was in transition and they gave me the epidural by 745am. From there, it was a mad dash to delivery. Everything progressed so much faster than any of us expected, the midwife and nurses included. I'm pretty sure they had decided that since (s)he was so high when I checked in, nothing would happen on its own before the pitocin the next day. Obviously, (s)he dropped-quickly. By 9, I was pushing. The midwife told me to keep pushing, regardless of contractions. After the 3rd push, at 9:07am, I had an 8 pound baby. It was amazing, considering I pushed for 2 hours with my first son, after laboring down for the 3 hours before. At the time, I had no idea what kind of distress the baby was in. Afterward, the Nurse Midwife told me they did not wait for contractions to have me push because (s)he was in trouble. My placenta had already started to disintegrate and separate from the uterine wall. There was no fluid to speak of anymore either. When they threaded the epidural, the midwife broke the sac-nothing came out. After birth, they gave him to me to hold for about 30 seconds and then whisked him away to clean him up and empty him of all the blood he'd taken in (mine, not his). This was a disappointment because I was able to nurse my first son and held him for an hour or more before I had to release him to get him cleaned up. I'm so glad they didn't tell me about all the issues with Lincoln until after they determined he was fine. I would have been a basketcase during labor. I'm also glad we didn't wait any longer than we did to induce labor.
On a less serious note, when he came out, my mother said, "Omigosh, it's a boy!" I thought she was joking, and told her that wasn't funny. Clinton replied with, "She's not joking!" My first thought, as I struggled to sit up and see for myself, was, 'well, I hope he likes pink!' As it turns out, the sonogram tech that did my gender analysis had mis-identified 5 other babies in the month-we were number 6, according to the nurses in the room. Interesting, considering that ultrasound was the most expensive of all the ones that we had done. During that ultrasound, we asked her to describe WHY it was a girl, and she went into detail about what she saw that showed her it was a girl-it wasn't just the lack of visible evidence of a boy. Now, I'm not sure what we were looking at, but it obviously wasn't what she said we were looking at. We had about 6 ultrasounds during my pregnancy, but no one caught it or said anything. In the others' defense, the other ultrasounds were not looking for gender, but still, you'd think someone would have seen something fishy. Nope. Not one. After it warms up, I can use Colton's clothes for him, but since he was born in July, I didn't have any tiny cold-weather clothes. Thankfully, our friends and family have graciously helped us clothe our boy like a boy, so he didn't have to go home in a pink onesie with a frilly pink hat.
With a different gender, we had to come up with a new name. With Colton, Clinton picked his first name, and I picked his middle name. With Lincoln, it was reversed. I picked Lincoln, and Clinton's contribution was Hawke. It's quite a name for a tiny little boy. Hopefully, he'll appreciate it as he gets older. With any luck, he'll grow into it well. :)
Lincoln has certainly kept us on our toes. He had a minor blood sugar issue the first day, so they had me supplementing my nursing feedings with formula. After 3 good blood glucose readings with that method, they let me drop the formula. That was a blessing and also a curse. After I dropped the formula, they made me feed him every 2 hours-no more sleeping for me! Now, though, he's doing fine. He eats about every 2 hours during the day, and I've stretched it to 3-4 hours during the night for the last 2 nights, and it seems to be good for us both. I have finally slept more than 30 minutes in a stretch, and I feel great. He's responding normally and has finally started having BM's on a regular basis*. *(funny story on that later) On that same vein, I feel wonderful after this birth. With my first, I was saddle sore and swollen enough to have trouble sitting for over a week. I had 8 stitches and could hardly get up out of the bed for several days. This time, I had virtually no swelling (with the exception of my feet), and only 2 stitches. I am barely sore at all and have almost no significant bleeding. That's good too, considering they told me I was borderline anemic when I left the hospital. A week later, I feel normal, if a little squishy around the middle. I am also not the emotional wreck I was after Colton. I feel like I have a much better handle on this baby thing than the first time. Nursing is going well. It's been a week and the pain is receding and my supply is mostly regulated. That's also a blessing. Those first few days are ROUGH!
Colton has been an absolute angel with Lincoln. He hands the baby his toys and is eager to help fetch things for the baby and me. He told me last night when I was tucking him in, "Mama, what's that? (pointing to my belly). I told him, "That's my belly." He said, "It's big." I replied, telling him it's smaller than it was. He thought about it for a sec and said, "Baby Heidi didn't come. Baby Lincoln came out your belly instead." HALLELUJAH, HE GETS IT! :) Now, he talks constantly about his "baby brudder". It's so cute! Clinton has been an angel as well. He is very solicitous and helpful and has virtually taken over care of Colton so that I can rest between feedings of the baby. It's been wonderful! He told me yesterday he was so proud of me and what a good mom I am, and that I deserved a medal every day for it. I almost cried! True or not, it was just what an overtired dairy cow needed to hear! :)
Lincoln is such a happy baby-just like Colton. He very rarely cries, and is easily consoled when he does. Food and a clean diaper are all he really needs. He sleeps well as long as he is touching me. We'll work on sleeping in the crib later. We've got time. :) I plan to enjoy this baby more than I did Colton's early days. I didn't understand how sweet it is and how fast it is gone. I do now. Every day is a blessing with each of my children. I love both their hugs and kisses and cherish the conversations I have with each-even if one can't respond with words yet.
* Funny poop story (do not read if queasy):
We went to the pediatrician on Tuesday and decided to stop for coffee/breakfast at McDonald's on the way home. During the course of our meal, Lincoln had his first BM since before leaving the hospital on Sunday. I decided since we were going to Clint's work afterward to get his check, to change the diaper at McD's as they have changing tables in their bathrooms, in case anyone would want to see the baby. I should have just left it till we got home. It was awful-green/black, sticky and everywhere! I did not bring an extra outfit because I had forgotten this aspect of infant-dom. I will not forget again. The under-onsie caught the mess that left the diaper, so the outside layer was still "clean" and, therefore, reusable. Thank God for small miracles. However, when I took the onsie off, it dragged the mess all the way up his body. There were no paper towels in the bathroom at all. I ended up sacrificing the under-onsie to finish cleaning up the mess on the changing table after I bathed him in the sink (Did I mention we were at a food-service establishment??). Of course, he screeched the entire time. I'm sure people thought I was doing something awful in there. I swear it took about half an hour. I have now officially been "that mother." Sheesh.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
38 week maternity visit
Today's visit did not go well. First rattle out of the box, I was told I have glucose in my sample, so they stuck me with a Glucometer. Turns out it was only 82, so everything turned out to be fine, but that only the first drop (hardy, har, har!) in the bucket. I almost passed out twice during the exam and then again several times later on when I was in the ultrasound room. I never actually left consciousness, but the black and white dots showed up several times. It was so bad, they brought me juice and crackers and a cold rag. Then, when they thought Heidi was breech, again, so they did an ultrasound, like I mentioned. The last time-at 34 weeks, she was not. This time-the little stinker had turned herself right-side-up within the last 4 weeks.
The Dr. said wwe had 3 choices. First, we could wait till labor started and try to turn her during labor from the inside-but that would have to happen (or be induced) within 2 or 3 days so she doesn't get too big to turn. Second, we can try to turn her now, at the risk of triggering labor, breaking the sac or worse. OR, we could just schedule a c-section. Each choice equally distatesful in its own way, I chose the second option to try to turn the baby now, from the outside. I am not sure if any of you have ever had this done, but it was the most exquisitely painful experience I have ever had, short of actual labor. What's worse, I came home and took a nap, and now, I'm even more sore. The Dr. had to push so hard to get her to move (she was sweating by the end), every muscle in my midsection now feels like it's been through severe trauma. I can barely walk. I called out sick to work today in the hopes I will be able to take care of myself and Colton tomorrow alone and work a full shift tomorrow night too. I'm probably a big old wuss, but this is truly painful! On the plus side, right after they turned her-before I got really sore-while they had me hooked up to the belly monitors for an hour, I got to sit in a recliner and read my book while having the nurses wait on me hand and foot, bring me juice and crackers and basically cater to me. That was really nice! :) However, on a side note and to my credit, the Dr. said that some women can't tolerate it and abort the procedure halfway thru in favor of a c-section. The good news is-they report she is now head down and still moving and healthy, and my water is still intact. So far, I've had many pretty strong contractions, but the Dr. said it was from irritation and they should calm down. If they don't-you could be in labor-keep us posted. I'm full term-38, almost 39 weeks, so it would be a blessing at this point. :)
From now till I deliver, I'm supposed to sit and stand, take it easy, and not lay flat-even to sleep- to ensure she doesn't stray from the head-down position. It wasn't like I slept well before, and now I have to sit up (okay, only @ 30') to sleep-nice. I'm not on bedrest, but I'm not supposed to do anything strenuous that might keep her from settling into position. The problem is, it hurts to sit and stand. I'm also supposed to sit on my exercise ball or in a cross-legged position (not sit on the ball cross-legged-yikes!) to try to ease her down into position so she gets "stuck"- to quote the Dr. I'm so glad I don't have any other obligations. (Where's the sarcasm font when you need it??)
I know I should be happy that Heidi is healthy-if breech- and I am healthy and there are no major issues to contend with. I made the mistake of saying, out loud, yesterday, that I had all my work paperwork in order, and I was down to just finishing my last shifts and organizing and allowed myself to relax a little bit. Then today's appointment came to bite me. Good grief. Is it time to deliver yet? I need some sweet tiny baby lovin' to get me thru the rest of this!
The Dr. said wwe had 3 choices. First, we could wait till labor started and try to turn her during labor from the inside-but that would have to happen (or be induced) within 2 or 3 days so she doesn't get too big to turn. Second, we can try to turn her now, at the risk of triggering labor, breaking the sac or worse. OR, we could just schedule a c-section. Each choice equally distatesful in its own way, I chose the second option to try to turn the baby now, from the outside. I am not sure if any of you have ever had this done, but it was the most exquisitely painful experience I have ever had, short of actual labor. What's worse, I came home and took a nap, and now, I'm even more sore. The Dr. had to push so hard to get her to move (she was sweating by the end), every muscle in my midsection now feels like it's been through severe trauma. I can barely walk. I called out sick to work today in the hopes I will be able to take care of myself and Colton tomorrow alone and work a full shift tomorrow night too. I'm probably a big old wuss, but this is truly painful! On the plus side, right after they turned her-before I got really sore-while they had me hooked up to the belly monitors for an hour, I got to sit in a recliner and read my book while having the nurses wait on me hand and foot, bring me juice and crackers and basically cater to me. That was really nice! :) However, on a side note and to my credit, the Dr. said that some women can't tolerate it and abort the procedure halfway thru in favor of a c-section. The good news is-they report she is now head down and still moving and healthy, and my water is still intact. So far, I've had many pretty strong contractions, but the Dr. said it was from irritation and they should calm down. If they don't-you could be in labor-keep us posted. I'm full term-38, almost 39 weeks, so it would be a blessing at this point. :)
From now till I deliver, I'm supposed to sit and stand, take it easy, and not lay flat-even to sleep- to ensure she doesn't stray from the head-down position. It wasn't like I slept well before, and now I have to sit up (okay, only @ 30') to sleep-nice. I'm not on bedrest, but I'm not supposed to do anything strenuous that might keep her from settling into position. The problem is, it hurts to sit and stand. I'm also supposed to sit on my exercise ball or in a cross-legged position (not sit on the ball cross-legged-yikes!) to try to ease her down into position so she gets "stuck"- to quote the Dr. I'm so glad I don't have any other obligations. (Where's the sarcasm font when you need it??)
I know I should be happy that Heidi is healthy-if breech- and I am healthy and there are no major issues to contend with. I made the mistake of saying, out loud, yesterday, that I had all my work paperwork in order, and I was down to just finishing my last shifts and organizing and allowed myself to relax a little bit. Then today's appointment came to bite me. Good grief. Is it time to deliver yet? I need some sweet tiny baby lovin' to get me thru the rest of this!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Reflections on parenting
Most of you are familiar with my lists. Most of my lists are funny, but I refuse to make any guarantees for this one. Between late-term pregnancy symptoms, exhaustion, a two-year-old who is pushing the envelope really hard and mandatory overtime looming at my job for at least the next two weeks, humor has been hard to come by. I am a little over 3 weeks from my due date, and it's a challenge to get out of bed at all. This list is an attempt to find the smile I've lost.
1. There is an INSANE amount of paperwork involved in being a parent. There are day care forms, forms for when they miss too many days, Dr.'s notes for your work when you miss for the kid, forms for maternity leave, forms for schedule changes-it never ends.
2. Food for a growing child is expensive! My kid eats both us and the sitter out of house and home.
3. Cuddling is the best feeling ever. I love cuddling with Colton. Today, he was a weird little moody yo-yo, swinging back and forth from super frantic to angry to whiney to cuddly to fun. The cuddliness made up for the bad parts.
4. Two-year-olds are weird moody little yo-yo's. They have on and off switches, but no dimmers and no filters. It's positively exhausting.
5. My two-year-old creates more laundry in 1 day than I do in a week. Yes, it helps that I work from home and don't get out much, but I still wear clothes. Apparently, he can't keep 1 outfit clean per day.
6. Colton's powers of comprehension and vocabulary amaze me every second of every day.
7. Colton's imagination is so creative. I love to listen to what he makes up.
8. Parenting involves an enormous amount of decision-making. Do you make them eat, do you refuse to let them wear mismatched clothes, do you schedule playdates or let them veg? That doesn't even include the medical decisions-are they sick enough for a doctor visit or just wait it out, band-aid or stitches, flu or allergies, ear infection or just waxy ears, dry skin or ringworm, gangrene or just plain filthy?
9. Colton's compassion makes me swell up with pride. If I stub my toe or bang my elbow, he'll ask if I'm okay and if I need a kiss. Today, I was holding my belly, and he wanted to know if it hurt. I said, "No, it's just heavy." He came over to me and tried to hold it up for me.
10. I am excited, overwhelmed, apprehensive and ecstatic all at the same time to think we're going to have another yo-yo to amaze and befuddle us, create more paperwork and laundry, double the grocery bill and cuddle with!
1. There is an INSANE amount of paperwork involved in being a parent. There are day care forms, forms for when they miss too many days, Dr.'s notes for your work when you miss for the kid, forms for maternity leave, forms for schedule changes-it never ends.
2. Food for a growing child is expensive! My kid eats both us and the sitter out of house and home.
3. Cuddling is the best feeling ever. I love cuddling with Colton. Today, he was a weird little moody yo-yo, swinging back and forth from super frantic to angry to whiney to cuddly to fun. The cuddliness made up for the bad parts.
4. Two-year-olds are weird moody little yo-yo's. They have on and off switches, but no dimmers and no filters. It's positively exhausting.
5. My two-year-old creates more laundry in 1 day than I do in a week. Yes, it helps that I work from home and don't get out much, but I still wear clothes. Apparently, he can't keep 1 outfit clean per day.
6. Colton's powers of comprehension and vocabulary amaze me every second of every day.
7. Colton's imagination is so creative. I love to listen to what he makes up.
8. Parenting involves an enormous amount of decision-making. Do you make them eat, do you refuse to let them wear mismatched clothes, do you schedule playdates or let them veg? That doesn't even include the medical decisions-are they sick enough for a doctor visit or just wait it out, band-aid or stitches, flu or allergies, ear infection or just waxy ears, dry skin or ringworm, gangrene or just plain filthy?
9. Colton's compassion makes me swell up with pride. If I stub my toe or bang my elbow, he'll ask if I'm okay and if I need a kiss. Today, I was holding my belly, and he wanted to know if it hurt. I said, "No, it's just heavy." He came over to me and tried to hold it up for me.
10. I am excited, overwhelmed, apprehensive and ecstatic all at the same time to think we're going to have another yo-yo to amaze and befuddle us, create more paperwork and laundry, double the grocery bill and cuddle with!
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